It's snow tat

We know what you’re thinking. As soon as it starts snowing, the first thing you want to do is buy yourself lots of delicious car-branded winter tat. Sorry, we mean high-quality alpine merchandise from your favourite manufacturers.

So, cash-flashing sir, can we interest you in a pair of £800 Ferrari skis, courtesy of Dynastar? They’re made with carbon fibre – yes, just like that 430 Scud you’ve got parked in the garage – and will make you go exactly as fast. Feel free to push your Scud off the top of a black run to test this theory.

Or how about a VW sledge? Or VW sled, if you’re American and can’t be bothered to get to the end of words. It’s available in Golf GTi (pictured) or classic Beetle ‘trim’, the former of which is rumoured to hold its second-hand value very well, while the latter is prone to snap oversteer and chronic rust. Maybe.

Just to crank up the old VW-Porsche rivalry a bit further, the guys in Porsche Design have created their own sledge, too. Very much adhering to the ‘less is more’ philosophy, it’s about as minimal as things get in the world of branded sledging… in everything but the price. $490 for you. And that’s before you add the PDK gearbox and a nice tan leather finish. It’s always the extras that get you with Porsche.

Much better to opt for the most excellent Lotus bobsleigh, built by those entrepreneurial chaps in Hethel for the RAF’s official bobsleigh team (yes, the RAF has an official bobsleigh team). It’s unclear whether a team of lycra-clad athletes are included in your purchase.

And last but not least, could sir be tempted by an ever-so-chic pair of Saab Aero X skis? Yep, that’s Aero X as in that concept car unveiled back in 2006 and never built. We’re told that the skis feature ‘hybrid technology’ at the front and back, mimicking the four-wheel drive of the Aero X. We have no idea what this means.

Any snow-merch producing manufacturers we’ve left off the list, apologies. Feel free to send your finest skis, snowboards and gluwine receptacles over to Top Gear. Cheers.