Mercedes-Benz

A-Class

£15,285 - £20,490

A hatch doing a passable impression of a small MPV, partly thanks to ‘sandwich flooring’ which makes for brilliant packaging. Old stability issues now sorted.

B-Class

£18,865 - £24,400

Merc has spotted a gap in the market so narrow you'd struggle to get a fag paper through it. A slightly bigger hatch-cum-MPV that's a bit sporty? Making any sense?

C63 AMG

Rocket-propelled M3-seeking missile packing more junk than an aircraft carrier but without the stealth. A nut you say? Right, pass me that sledgehammer.

C-Class

£22,725 - £55,020

While this is around, the 3-Series can't have things its own way. And this is the best C-Class yet - loves the road like Jordan loves Peter (but doesn't make you feel sick).

CLC

Merc takes old C-Class Coupe, puts new face on and sells it for lots of money. Get ready for the rumoured 'BLC' based on Austin Metro underpinnings

CL-Class

£90,885 - £159,950

Probably the only thing that could look more over-the-top than the S-class - a coupe version of the same. Just the two doors, but folk this gauche don't have many friends

CLS-Class

£45,600 - £60,595

Continuing the random use of the letter C for cars based on Cs, Es and Ss, here’s a swoopy four-door E-class coupe. Park it over there with the other new niches.

E63 AMG

What happens when Merc pinches the M5 bottle and then exceeds the stated dose. Viciously quick V8-fed torque show.A very big bushel hiding a really dazzly light.

E-Class

£28,160 - £74,375

Still solid and respectable, now also clean and frugal. Businessmen and German taxi drivers rejoice.

E-Class Coupe

The E-Class Coupe is a reassuring arm around the shoulder in a world gone mad. Not the sharpest but you could do much worse.

E-Class Estate

A cetacean-sized wagon with a very broad range of engines, from a sluggish two-litre to a ludicrous 474bhp 6.2-litre V8. It has a beautiful ride too.

GL-Class

£56,875 - £70,880

At least bolted together properly these days, but still a too-butch-by-half attempt to take the pointy star into a field. Footy wives - and daft snobs generally - like them.

M-Class

£40,830 - £57,370

Thankfully, it's moved on from its predecessor and is now one of the best all-round SUVs on sale. Properly luxurious and comfortable, with added eco-ness.

R-Class

£40,760 - £44,915

Another letter, another niche that doesn't exist. What have we got here - a luxo-seven-seater 4x4 MPV thing that looks like it's been crushed by a truck? Sadly, it hasn't.

S-Class

£59,195 - £161,985

It's a true world domination machine. Dr Evil uses one when being driven between underground lairs. He thinks a Maybach is too silly to be believed. And he's right.

SL 63

We like your thinking, Merc: if you're going to hash up the good looks of the SL and turn it all big and angry, you might as well give it a big and angry V8. Sterling work.

SL-Class

£62,330 - £107,710

Perhaps the best all-round, usable hardtop convertible on sale today. Practical, fast, excellent quality and dynamics.

SLK

£30,465 - £39,315

Less cringeworthy than the bigger SL. Rear-drive fun and a brilliant folding tin top, plus a kind of hairdryer arrangement to keep you warm when topless. As it were.