BMW 7 Series

You may ask why a five-litre, V8-powered BMW is driving at 8km/h. But that's how it is in funeral corthges. The time has come to lay great auntie to rest, gawd bless 'er.

Seven-foot tall Uncle Bob has bagsied a lift, along with the rest of the family, so it's just as well BM have made this 745 Li long-wheelbase model to get us to the crematorium.

Sandwiched between tubby Aunty Maureen and scrawny Uncle Bob are the twins, constantly twiddling with the aircon, so one minute we were dripping with sweat, the next shivering to death. To occupy the squirts, screens in the rear seats are available. Alas, not on this test model, though.

Granny Lil was overwhelmed with luxuries like back and bum warmer, foot rests, figure hugging comfy black leather seats - the only thing they don't do is massage you (now there's an idea). And with such a comfortable drive, she's now catching 40 winks... bless.

Up front, my other half is having lots of fun playing with the gadgets. Although the dash is uncluttered, it's well designed ergonomically with an i-Drive centre console controlling just about everything. The TV/DVD is just one of the near-infinite list of gadgets, along with two phones, an Internet system and satnav.

It's got a large boot with plenty of room for baggage, including granny's suitcase (I'm sure she said she was only staying the one night).

The exterior is a low, muscular, curvy coupe with the designer 'sharks fin' above the rear window hiding the aerial, as with all BMs.

When the sun appeared, the cool shades came down surrounding all the back windows. Just as well really, as other envious mourners couldn't see how 'pleased' we were to be in such a stunning car.

Hayley Day