BMW X3

The X3 assaults my eyes with its ugliness and my spine with its ride. It's just been facelifted - bigger grille, different bumpers, er, that's about it - and it's still hideous, but I guess that's a matter of opinion so we'll let the matter rest.

The ride's still awful too, as you'd expect of a high vehicle with a zero-tolerance policy to body roll in corners. Low-pro 18-inch tyres don't help (not runflats here, though), courtesy of M Sport spec.

I've said it before: 'Sports' off-roaders make as much sense as water-soluble umbrellas. But when did sense come into it?

I hate to say this, but the 3.0sd, with the twin-turbo engine up front (shared with the new 335d Coupe) and xDrive under your feet, does have the ability to be brilliant fun, at least in a particular and tightly defined circumstance.

As long as you've got glassy smooth tarmac, it really will make a fine job of corners. And of accelerating. But if there's the tiniest bumpiness in the road surface, this vehicle will point it out better than an electron microscope.

Of course, it doesn't corner or accelerate as well as a 535d Touring. A model worth mentioning, as this X3 costs a mind-blowing $77,400. And that's without any options.

Add the sunroof, satnav and so on and you're at parity with an X5 3.0 diesel. Call it opportunistic pricing. Call it daylight robbery. I call it an irrelevance.

Paul Horrell