New car news

21 December 2011 - 13:00

TopGear's 10 Top Tips for Christmas Driving

Christmas is a merry time for all. It also turns normal road users into blood-thirsty lunatics. Here's TG's 10 Top Tips for driving this Christmas time.

1. Tyres are very important. Always make sure they're still attached to your car before setting off. Other good things to check are the presence of an engine and possible passengers.

2. When filling your car with presents, be sure to put them in the boot or parcel area. Most presents aren't transparent and can impede your vision if put on the dashboard.

3. When fitting fuzzy reindeer antlers and Rudolph nose to your car, always take time to think, "Am I a massive spanner?" If the answer is no, be sure to remove them.

4. On major arterial roads, you may notice the presence of multiple lanes. As tempting as it may be to attempt to slalom through the broken white lines, this can vex other drivers and should be avoided.

5. Further to the last. In Australia, we tend to drive on the left-hand side of the road. If you find yourself driving into oncoming traffic, this is usually a good sign that you aren't quite as far left as you should be.

6. Conga lines are great fun, if you've had too much punch and are dancing to UB40. Conga lines on the highway are less so. Check your rear-view mirror and ensure you're not holding up traffic by driving slowly in the right-hand lane. If you do find yourself driving slowly in the right lane, please be sure to ask your doctor for euthanasia.

7. Fatigue is a serious problem on the roads. This can be solved by not driving a Toyota Camry, also known as ‘motorised Valium'.

8. You will be a worse driver when drunk. This is indisputable; think about what you said to your boss at the work Christmas party and how well you danced. Both were unmitigated failures. Apply these lessons to driving.

9. Long trips can be quite tedious. Try to spice things up by playing ‘I spy', ‘Punch-buggy' and ‘mobile tattoo parlour'.

10. Travelling above the posted speed limit is generally inadvisable. Especially if you live in Victoria, where the punishment is death by 36-hour lecture.

What about you? Do you have any Top Tips? Leave a comment below and we'll get back to you. Probably.