Dodge Nitro

The Dodge Nitro is one of those cars, and there are increasingly few these days, that’s so bad it leaves you momentarily bereft of speech. If the engineering was as derivative as the styling something on it might have been good. But no.

• Comfort

  The Nitro's spongy dynamics ought to provide a comfortable ride, but you're too busy hanging on for dear life to notice. And the transmission tunnel intrudes so badly into the footwell of right-hand drive cars that you effectively have to ride it side-saddle.

  

• Performance

  The 3.7-litre V6 petrol engine is a weed of a thing, neutered all the more by its standard, and artless, four-speed gearbox. The 2.8 diesel is a better all-round drive, but that's like saying you're better off getting poked in the eye than kicked in the nadgers.

  

• Cool

  There is no car less cool than the Dodge Nitro. Devoid of a single redeeming feature and yet styled with the sort of shouty arrogance only an American could achieve, this truly is the nadir of 21st Century motoring.

  

• Quality

  If it doesn't fall apart you'll probably tear it apart out of sheer frustration. Dated design, cheap grey plastics, terrible ergonomics. Does the American public not deserve better? Well, no, but even so...

  

• Handling

  This is a thoroughbred stinker on the road, the sort of car that makes you laugh hysterically, though whether through fear or contempt you can never be quite sure. Floaty, rolling, indirect, hopeless.

  

• Practicality

  The Nitro is reasonably spacious inside, but that terrible incursion into the driver's footwell, presumably an unavoidable mishap during the conversion to right-hand drive, renders the whole package null and void. If the driver isn't happy it's a non-starter.

  

• Running costs

  Even the diesel engine could do better on fuel economy and the V6 petrol is woeful. CO2 emissions are high as well, so it'll be expensive to fill up.