Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Column archive

Clarkson on: massage - December 2008
Jeremy is frustrated. Enough with the no pain, no gain theory...

Clarkson on: finance - December 2008
Get ready to eat your postman: financial meltdown is on its way!

Clarkson on: mopeds - November 2008
Jeremy has been to Vietnam and experienced proper traffic organisation and flow

Clarkson on: celebrity - October 2008
JC rants at brain-dead, celebrity-obsessed mediocrities everywhere

Clarkson on: idiots - September 2008
Are you a brain-dead, celebrity-obsessed mediocrity who can't drive? Then this is the column for you!

Clarkson on: Porsche - August 2008
Jeremy really doesn't like Porsches. Even though he really likes them. It's to do with hobbyists. And tossers

Clarkson on: choice - July 2008
JC wants what he wants, not what car manufacturers want him to have

Clarkson on: sport - June 2008
Would you like to see Lewis Hamilton shagging Kimi Raikkonen's missus?

Clarkson on: beating the budget - May 2008
Jeremy can't help you with petrol prices or do much about road pricing. But he can help you with the ridiculous road tax...

Clarkson on: electricity - April 2008
JC conducts a debate into the nature of electricity. Offers some shocking solutions

Clarkson on: old saloons - March 2008
Today's saloon cars don't cut the Clarkson family mustard, so Jeremy buys a Mercedes 600 Grosser instead

Clarkson on: motor racing - February 2008
Jeremy curses the fact that life is now too short to properly enjoy endurance racing. There's always Bingo, Jezza

Clarkson on: beating the system - January 2008
Smug, Lexus-powered ways to make Red Ken even crosser

Clarkson on: attraction - Awards 2007
Truth is beauty, beauty is truth. Which, says Jeremy, makes the new Subaru Impreza a whopping lie

Clarkson on: petrolheads - December 2007
Jeremy finally meets Uma Thurman at a dinner party. He sees a goddess, she sees a car geek in a tracksuit

Clarkson on: risk taking - November 2007
Are those who spend their lives taking risks yobs or inspirational? Jeremy knows...

Clarkson on: classic cars - October 2007
Older cars are often more aesthetically pleasing than more modern designs, but the mechanicals are appalling. Fortunately, Jeremy has the answer

Clarkson on: car interiors - September 2007
Bored with the interior of your car? Then why not pebble-dash the dash and fit Doric columns to the A-pillars. Anything, so long as it's not grey.

Clarkson on: the 'perfect' car - August 2007
This month Jeremy ponders whether there is such a thing as a ‘perfect’ car... and if there is, would you actually ever want to own it?

Clarkson on: in-car entertainment - July 2007
A lack of in-car stimulation can seriously dull your driving skills, says Jeremy. Phone calls, fags and banishing Bob Harris could be the answer

Clarkson on: Formula One - June 2007
F1 needs a shake-up, says Jeremy. More drinking, more screwing and setting fire to Martin Brundle’s trousers would be a good start

Clarkson on: Top Gear content - May 2007
What to do? What to do? JC’s having a crisis over the content of Top Gear. And he needs your help to soothe his fevered brow

Clarkson on: tyres - April 2007
The way things are going, says Jeremy, there’s a very real danger that all cars will soon, in fact, be the same. Thank goodness for tyres, then...

Clarkson on: 4x4s - March 2007
Land Rover is missing the big SUV market of the future, says JC. It's not yummy mummies who need decent 4x4s, it's the British Army

Clarkson on: the Porsche GT3 - February 2007
Is the original always the best, ponders Jeremy? Of course it is, and that’s why he won’t be buying a Porsche 911 GT3

Clarkson on: the Germans - January 2007
Jeremy warns of a possible German invasion - led by the enormous Mercedes GL

Clarkson on: spending money - Awards 2006
JC ordering a Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder? James has been up to his old tricks again...

Clarkson on: quad bikes - November 2006
Sometimes, says JC, you don't need the latest supercar to enjoy a journey. In some cases the journey alone makes an experience special

Clarkson on: technology - October 2006
Aarghh! Buying the latest fashion in high-tech is just one big gamble after another, says Jeremy. Can’t we just have things that work properly?

Clarkson on: Americans - September 2006
Americans were once fairly innocuous – loud and brash, yes, but basically harmless. But now things have changed... and how, says Jeremy

Clarkson on: idiots - August 2006
He doesn’t suffer fools gladly, our Jeremy. Mind you, when they’re in charge of cars who can blame him? It’s just dangerous to let them drive

Clarkson on: the Corvette Z06 - July 2006
All too often in life we can be blinded by beauty, and overlook the hideousness it hides, says JC. Take the Chevrolet Corvette Z06 for example...

Clarkson on: the American muscle - June 2006
Another day, another favourite car in the whole world ever. Only thing is, this one’s American... and Jeremy’s not too keen on bank-rolling Bush

Clarkson on: the future - May 2006
The future isn’t bright, says Jeremy. It’s actually very dim and rather scary. And it doesn’t feature cars or television. Oh dear, oh dear. What to do...

Clarkson on: the fuel crisis - April 2006
When the oil supplies run out, will we have to scrap our cars? Will civilisation collapse? Don’t worry, says JC, it ain’t running out anytime soon

Clarkson on: Rover - March 2006
With Rover gone, what cars are there left for a patriotic Brit to choose from? Not many, says Jeremy – a man who buys his cars from the US

Clarkson on: Top Gear - February 2006
The BBC has a global smash on its hands with Top Gear, so what does the corporation do? Replace the show with a load of old balls...

Clarkson on: the Bugatti Veyron - January 2006
In a rare moment of reflection and soul-searching, Jeremy admits he can be wrong. Even over Top Gear's Car of the Year, the Bugatti Veyron...

Jeremy Clarkson