Maybach 57/62

Impressive in almost every respect, there’s something a little bit Paris Hilton about the Maybach; nouveau despite the respected name, flashy and lusted after by the rap set. But it never manages to be classy despite being based on the Merc S-class.

• Comfort

  This is where the Maybach really shines; rear or front you're in for a treat in terms of being transported from place to place without having to interact with the nasty, dirty, complicated outside world. Drive over whatever you like - small shanty towns, poor orphans, kittens in Wellington boots, whatever, and the Maybach won't allow it to intrude.

  

• Performance

  Given that the architecture is all nicked from Mercedes Benz and then corrupted into something infinitely less desirable, it's a surprise that the Maybach still delivers in the performance stakes. But then again, it does have a couple of incredibly serious powerplants. The choice is simple; 5.5-litre V12 Biturbo or 6.0-litre V12 Biturbo, 405kW or 450kW. The 57S hits 100km/h in just five and has a 175km/h limiter.

  

• Cool

  If you live in America, the Maybach represents and displays enormous wealth (the base model is $945,00, the most expensive $1,150,000), which, in America, is considered very cool indeed. In the Australia however, where taste and good breeding count for a great deal, people will think you are a wanker.

  

• Quality

  Fused from one giant alloy block and with an interior hand-knitted by virgins out of human skin, the Maybach really is the best put together car in the world. Doubt its heritage, doubt its style, but you cannot doubt a buying experience that includes matching any colour you wish with any interior trim. If it were possible, we would live in here and pay no council tax.

  

• Handling

  The 'Bach is massive in 62 format and you never, ever forget that bulk when trying to thread the car down even a moderately small roadway. The 57 (short-wheelbase) and 57S (short-wheelbase, more sporty) both manage to be more than adequate when it comes to actual grip and body control - it's just that making a Maybach go fast simply pits technology against physics; at some point it will get messy.

  

• Practicality

  Hugeness isn't necessarily practical, and when you spend this sort of money it's unlikely that you're worried that you'll be able to fill it full of stuff to take to the tip come the weekend, but if you want a big car, the Maybach is one. The drawbacks are that it's a bit like trying to parallel-park a 747 and you might be seen getting out of it.

  

• Running costs

  Be scared. The 110-litre tank is there to assuage the 16L/100km you'll see from the pumps. Insurance is actually in a small secret super-group that only exists in a different dimension to our own - one to which only Russian oligarchs have the key - and if you have to ask about servicing, you're working for the wrong billionaire.