Nissan Patrol

Despite being sort of new according to its maker, the Nissan Patrol still feels like it ought to have classic status. But that separate chassis and gutsy engine maintain the credible all-terrain status that makes it a hit in the Hindu Kush.

• Comfort

  That old-school chassis set up means the Patrol transmits everything it rolls over straight through the suspension, seat and spine. It's also got an old, rough engine from the land that refinement forgot.

  

• Performance

  The only engine you can get is a 3.0-litre diesel with just 118kW to cope with its 2.5 tonne kerb weight. So you have time to apply in writing if you want to pass 100km/h. Torque is what the Patrol provides, in get fistfuls. A caravanner's dream.

  

• Cool

  There's definitely something cool about a car that UN peacekeepers and assorted militiamen swear by. While Land Rover would have you believe theirs is the default for foreign climes, it's Nissans and Toyotas all the way.

  

• Quality

  There is some tacky trim in the Patrol, a bid by Nissan to sell it as a semi-premium SUV, but the basics are still bulletproof. Disclaimer: Not literally, Osama.

  

• Handling

  This is not a car that handles. It doesn't go round corners anyway, it goes across them. The antiquated separate chassis design, where modern motors like the Discovery have a monocoque, means it's all over the shop.

  

• Practicality

  There's enough room in here for a private army (which is convenient) and when you fold the seats flat there's 2,300 litres of load space. Enough for a few surface-to-air missiles or something.

  

• Running costs

  Fuel economy is poor, and this old engine is dirty by modern standards. Not much is likely to go wrong however, and there's a strong demand for second hand models in various terrorist training camps.