THE ROAD: Black Spur Road, Victoria
WHERE IS IT? http://binged.it/Qq7doH
If you drive the Black Spur, you will fall under one of two opposite spells. It does this weird thing where, for motorcyclists at least, it turns normal men into adrenaline-engorged idiots, trying their hardest to fall off. But for others, you might be driving the new Aventador, and you’ll putter around at 40km/h with your chin superglued to the top of the steering wheel, gawking at the incredible scenery. You’ll never know which way you’ll go until you visit. Which you must do, and soon.
THE ROAD: Lake Mountain, Victoria
WHERE IS IT? http://binged.it/OrGyVT
We’d never heard of it either, and then we went there, and we were so spellbound that our legs turned al dente. The road leading up to Victoria’s Lake Mountain ski resort is just incredible – 11km of stunningly good-quality bitumen, surrounded by a ghostly thorn field of ivory-coloured snow gums, bereft of any foliage, killed in the horrible Black Saturday fires of 2009.
A horrible plague has gripped the nation, worse than any biblical, apocalyptic prophecy. Worse, perhaps, than Today Tonight and A Current Affair joining forces.
We're talking about My Family stickers.
They're currently everywhere, stuck to the unfortunate derrieres of cars across the country. You can't drive 10 metres without seeing one.
Our honest opinion is that yes, they make us pinch our temple and look down in head-shaking disappointment, but we must learn to live with them, because they're not going away any time soon.
This is an attitude shared by an enterprising group of humans who've chosen to embrace My Family - but done right.
If you are going to mummify your rear windscreen in hideous stickers, do it like this, TopGearers. We give you My Family - TG-approved...
Yes, we hate My Family stickers as well. But not when they're hilarious, like these ones here.
There are 810,000km of roads in Australia and while most of it is pot-holed rubbish, you’ll find little oases of driving pleasure if you look hard enough. Which is what we did.
Great Alpine Road, Victoria
Seen from space, a satellite picture of this area looks like a brain, all writhing with hilariously crazy-looking roads. We see you’ve lost control of your saliva glands, all over your keyboard.
See our gallery, Victoria's Best Driving Roads here.
And now you can drive one around China, pretending you're giving Kate Middleton a lift to Bucko Palace!
UPDATE 21/05/12: Originally, this was where our gallery ended. But hidden in the secret archives of TopGear.com (slash, a folder sitting in My Documents we had forgotten about), we found more Chinese rip-offs!
Click on, dear TopGearers...
Lasseter Highway, Northern Territory
Australia is flatter than that possum that’s been having a long sleep on your local main road. Mountains can be very pretty, but it can also be beautiful to stand in the middle of an ocean of land. This is the feeling you’ll get from driving the Lasseter, the road that runs past Uluru.
Australia was never meant to have nice roads. By being the size of 58 Englands, and with about 17 people living here, there simply aren't enough people paying tax to afford roads that aren't made out of mud and bits of hair.
Well, we used to think that. But actually, we're wrong.
We have 810,000km of roads in Australia and while most of them are rubbish, there are many driving oases awaiting discovery if you look hard enough (or if you have Google Maps and no life). Which is what we did.
But we didn't want to stop there. Like Delta Goodrem and your TV's mute button, some things were meant to go together. So for each road, we've picked the car we think would suit it best, kind of like a waiter recommending a wine to go with your meal (except that you should never eat food that we've given you).
So sit back, and enjoy. And naturally, you might think we're wrong or missed a few. So tell us which road we've missed in our discussion blog. We might even go and drive it ourselves.
Or you could just see the ones we picked. Click ‘next'.