Volkswagen Touareg

For confirmation of the absence of trees in Saudi Arabia, look no further than the flanks of the VW Touaregs in which my Middle Eastern colleagues had previously sampled an arduous off-road course at the Spanish launch - nary a panel un-stoved.

But it shows how committed VW has been in imbuing the Touareg with full-blown off-road capabilities that said bodywork ended up as smooth as a 2CV bonnet in the first place.

Then again, coming commuter-rail service late to the ultra-posh SUV market, they've had their work cut out conjuring a car which must not only match the BMW X5's exemplary road manners, but also grunt through grime with the alacrity of a Range Rover. And they have come surprisingly close...

Deliberately Phaeton-evoking grille aside, the Touareg is better looking than the Porsche Cayenne with which it shares undercarriage, 4x4 mechanicals and the occasional door panel. But it lacks the Scharnhorst-on-the-High-Street presence of a Range Rover, and is almost apologetically Golf astern.

Onboard, despite odious afforestation, life is classy enough. Reach-and-rake adjustment to the steering wheel gangs up with a comfy front seat to give an excellent, saloon-style driving position. And, unshackled by a decision not to ape the seven-seat trickery of Volvo's XC90, there's acres of space in the Touareg's slightly firm split folding rear seats.

With a 4.2-litre V8, six-litre W12 and 2.5- litre turbodiesel waiting in the wings, two engines will accompany the Touareg at the UK launch next summer; a 3.2-litre V6 petrol unit boasting 165kW and 305Nm of torque and a five-litre V10 turbodiesel offering 230kW and a monstrous 750Nm of torque delivered at just 2,000rpm.

The V10 comes on air-supported, all-round independent suspension as standard, whilst buyers of the V6 may opt for either steel or air springing. All cars sport permanent four-wheel drive, high- and low-range gear ratios and an automatically locking centre differential with switchable manual lock in low ratios.

Sadly, there isn't space here to eulogise over the Touareg's wholesome off-road prowess. Suffice to say that an absence of linkage between the air-spheres doesn't allow the VW to drop opposing wheels into gullies like the Range Rover. Otherwise, the ABS controlled braking of slipping or airborne wheels works admirably, as does the hill descent control. A choice of six ride heights, from 160mm to 300mm allows the car to outwade Solihull's finest and it automatically holds itself in place if you remove feet from all pedals, even on a hilariously steep slope and, with that V10 ticking over at just 1,000rpm, it'll pretty much climb your garden wall.

But like any true Chelsea tractor, the worst off-road indignity the Touareg will ever suffer is in the paddock-based distribution of hay bales for Jocasta's barn-dance 21st.

On road, then, what surprises is how outclassed an air-sprung V10 turbodiesel Touareg is by its steel-sprung V6 petrol sibling in every area except, of course, performance... Though admirably insulated from the cabin, the V10 at idle still emits the primitive chug of a distant tugboat plying upstream. But at speed all you hear is muted tyre roar and door-mirror wind rush. Unsurprising given that the diesel redlines at just 4,300rpm. Figures of 0-100km/h in 7.8secs and a top speed of 227km/h accompany substantial helpings of in-gear oomph via a seamless, six-speed auto gearbox incorporating manual overide and helm-mounted paddle shift. Though it must be said that, combined with perceptible turbo lag, the auto's kick-down is occasionally a tad slow off the mark.

Air-sprung ride quality is acceptable, rather than sublime, the body evincing a tendency to start bouncing over undulating surfaces. Necessarily numbed to avoid snapping at your off-road thumbs, the helm is nonetheless accurate and almost too meaty on occasion. After the initial slack has been taken up by the undercarriage on turn in, body control is good, with less roll than anticipated, but the weight of that V10 in the bows increasingly unsettles the Touareg through combinations of bends, the heft in the helm reminding you not to dick about with 2.4 tons of car that wishes, fundamentally, to go straight on.

The V6 is a sweeter drive. The steel springing, though restricting off-road ability, feels more planted on road by comparison and less prone to being unsettled by poor surfaces. Better yet, less weight in the bows makes for tidier handling and a lighter, more responsive helm. On the downside, the V6 struggles with the Touareg's mass, the gearbox hunting furiously with even modest dabs of throttle on motorway inclines. Happily, thanks to a seamless auto change, this constitutes little more than an aural interruption to proceedings.

With 50% of Touareg sales targeted at the USA, despite the fact the V10 won't be welcomed there, I asked the might of VW management how ludicrously cheaply they'd sell the Touareg across the pond to compensate for its deficiencies in the brand image stakes when stacked against BMW and Mercedes. Strangely, rather than answering properly, they just looked at their shoes. How very British.