Cold war
Posted by Emma Parker Bowles at 10:40AM on Tuesday 09 January, 2007 14 Comments
It's hard typing with gloves on. But I'm sitting on the steps of the Cobo centre - where the 100th Detroit auto show is being held - hunched over my laptop and enjoying a cigarette.
And you can't smoke ANYWHERE. It is so uncivilised. My right cheek looks like a waffle from pressing it against my hotel bathroom air vent to blow smoke last night. And it's bloody freezing. Even my nipples have got frostbite.
I am supposed to be at Chrysler's press conference. However, I would rather fry my head in batter than go to yet another press conference.
Fuck me, they're boring, listening to heavily scripted, message-managed rubbish instead of what you really want to hear, with the occasional bad joke, all read off autocues.
And hot with all the damned lights. And squashed. In fact, the only moment of light relief was when Audi wheeled out Seal - "I love the Audi Q7". No you don't, you hairless mammal. You're a shameless ho.
That was when a paunchy Japanese journalist rubbed me up from behind. He said it was his pen. Yeah, right, Nimrod.
I wish Jeremy Clarkson was here. He's so tall he knocks satellites out of orbit when he stands up so I could sit on his shoulders and actually see something.
And because he's got Tourette's Syndrome he would shout rude words out mid-conference and make the Germans cry. He wouldn't go outside to smoke, he'd climb into the back of the Rolls-Royce Silver Spoon and light up a Cohiba.
It's not all bad though. You get amazing access to the designers, which rocks - I have booked myself in for a guided tour of the Jaguar XF saloon with Ian Callum. Is he a god or what?
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14 Comments for "Cold war"
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I like this blog, Emma mentioned her nipples and swore!! Good read!
Naughty Japanese Bloke,Tut. Good read, JC should be there, it would bring life to a MotorShow, 1 person away from being dead. At least he says what he feels, or wants to feel. Startin to enjoy reading Emma's articles!Good read.
She looks great and writes great! Always like to read her articles, keep them coming girl!
erm.. is this supposed to be about cars or just some random complaining?
Good blog, the only thing is, with Jezzas spinal troubles, anyone heavier than a hat would slip 5 of his discs by sitting on his shoulders...
I agree, a great read, very arousing...
Emma is hot... period. She swears, drives fast, and smokes. What else can a guy ask for?
A refreshing insight into the 'real' show.
never hear VBH mention her nips! Go Em!
very useful reading, it should be taught in English schools around the world, very good balance between form and content, c'est cool, non?
If Emma needs any help in warming up her nipples I'd be happy to oblige. I can provide free ciggies too.
opens the door to the back stage bit we wish we could see, but are now glad we don't. good read funny but informative
Emma your such a cool women Petrol Head hope I become a writer like you one day spent a year working 4 it.
Yes, a very useful read indeed. I'm looking forward to a progress report on the state of her nipples and of course discovering if she found somewhere to have a smoke. Possibly a few comments about the cars at the show could be included too but I appreciate that may be a little taxing and may mean having to go to one of those pesky press conferences. Still, a tour of the Jaguar XF should make up for all discomforts of the show that Emma's had to endure so far.