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Top Gear new series update

Posted by Andy Wilman at 10:00AM on Tuesday 15 April, 2008 25 Comments

Andy WilmanI read in the papers at the weekend that Jeremy had unleashed a full Sweary Mary moment at a kid who'd taken a picture of him asleep on holiday, without asking.

Now, because he was on holiday, the BBC said it was a private matter on which it couldn't comment, and as a BBC employee, I come under that directive. So I thought I'd just do a quick blog here about how the new series is going.

The new series is going fine. I can't think of anything else to say really, so if you don't mind, I'll just take a few moments to talk about my tourettsey mate.

When I read that story at the weekend I thought, 'You silly sod, why can't you just walk off?' But then I would, because nobody photographs me. Nobody photographs me buying a paper, picking my nose, putting money in a meter, lighting a fag, standing upright, parking a car, walking, opening a pub door, closing a pub door - all the amazing things that famous people do.

Ah well, that's the price of fame, says just about everybody. That's part of his contract with the Devil: he has money and can get a table in The Ivy, so he should put up with the rest.

I completely agree with that - as long as we're talking about celebs who go out of their way to be seen. But you'd have a bloody big struggle to put Clarkson in that category. Can you remember when you last saw him coming out of a paparazzi-frequented club, on a red carpet at a big do, or generally in any situation designed to put him on the Heat radar? I'm buggered if I can.

Yes, he's famous, but I can tell you he does nothing to stoke the fire. He doesn't go to premieres, he doesn't employ a Max Clifford to put him in the papers, I can't get him to do interviews, and if I wanted to get him to an awards ceremony, I'd have to break out that gear they use to move Hannibal Lecter around.

What he does is have friends round for dinner, go to friends' houses for dinner, download shit prog rock for his iPod, or maybe get a bit pissed and fall asleep in front of the Grand Prix. His life is almost as boring as mine.

He asked me to come up for a Saturday night out, a few weeks' back, and we ended up in a local's barn, drinking beer in plastic glasses and watching a wedding band tackle Gimme Some Lovin'. Believe me, Kate Moss wouldn't have re-arranged her diary.

Ah well, say his critics, Jeremy should remember that the little lad he swore at put him where he is. Well actually, he didn't. Hard work put him where he is. In between the boring bits of his life, Clarkson grafts like a pit pony, harder than anyone I know. He does it because he's tasked to make a good job of his TV work, and of his writing, his name's on the bottom, so it's up to him to do it.

Top Gear is a good show and it does well, and we all love the ratings, the praise, the way people embrace it; but trust me, if the motivation to keep it up there was how much fame the presenters could get out of it, we'd be dead in a month. What it takes is lots of nose to the grindstone, and as I say, he shovels more of that in than anyone. Then, when work's done, he takes his stomach on holiday and falls asleep on a sunbed, where some kid takes a picture of him.

Ah, but if he doesn't like it, why does he go to Barbados? Why doesn't he go somewhere with a private beach? Well, he's been going to that same place with his family for about the past 15 years, which is basically quite a lot longer than Nokia's three-million pixel mobile phone camera has been around.

So should he rethink his holiday plans now that everyone is a digital David Bailey? Seems a bit harsh to me. I think it would be a lot easier if parents taught their kids some manners with their cameras. Here's a tip: before you take a picture, try the old fashioned art of asking. You might get a yes, you might get a no, but at least everyone keeps their dignity.

Now I wouldn't expect many people to read this and take sides with me or Jeremy. Fair dos; we're big lads, we can take care of ourselves. I just want you to know there is another side.

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