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Geneva 2012: the tuners

  1. It’s not often we revert to referencing 19th century social anthropologists, but something about Edward Burnett Tylor’s famous treatise Primitive Culture rung out while navigating the tuner stands at this year’s Geneva motor show.

    You see, Tylor - a vanguard of English anthropology - believed that essentially, a human mind and its capabilities are the same globally, regardless of the evolution of each particular society: a primitive community possesses the same intelligence as an industrial one, the only difference being education.

    Thus, it would appear the host nations of the tuning fraternity have all standardised their GSCEs in art and design, because we couldn’t help but notice that it’s all a bit…déjà vu.

    Of course, a modified supercar will naturally affect the part of your brain responsible for rational response; some involuntary movement of your jowels may occur. But really, the pinnacle of this formula appears to have been reached: big bumpers, big wings, dialled up power, spine-shattering wheel/tyre combos and dropped suspension.

    Are we waiting for the next step in evolutionary modification, or is this as good as it gets? And are you even bothered anymore? Have a wander through this gallery and post your most insightful Facebookings on our dedicated Internet page, here.

  2. ABT VW Up

    Volkswagen’s serious new city car - and Top Gear’s Small Car Of The Year - gets a striking paintjob and what looks like a set of black steel wheels. But has Volkswagen itself already plundered the Up variants?

  3. Alpina B6 Biturbo

    Taking a 650i coupe as its base, Alpina - connoisseurs of conservative tuning - gently upped the power from 407bhp to 540bhp using new turbochargers with specially developed exhaust turbines. That’s quite the power gain, some 12bhp off the new M6. And for all its muscle, it’s a quiet affair outside, with those delectable Alpina rims, a new front spoiler and small (but optional) rear wing.

  4. Brabus ‘800' S Class

    Can you guess how many horsepowers this matt black saloon is hiding? Brabus has enlarged the V12 from 5.5-litres to 6.3 - amongst a host of other technical modifications - and had to cap the torque to 811lb ft. Elsewhere there are 21in wheels, a carbon fibre front splitter, sculpted side sills, a carbon fibre rear spoiler and a plethora of interior options.

    From here on in, our new maxim will be “more power, bigger bodykit”. Rinse and repeat.

  5. Fab Design McLaren MP4 12C

    We’re informed that Swiss tuner Fab Design has somehow managed to increase the power of the McLaren by around 90bhp using just a stainless steel sports exhaust and some electronic meddling. Sure. There’s also a wide-body aero package, carbon fibre front spoiler/rear wing and cavernous side intakes.

    After all, the McLaren is just woefully under-engineered, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

  6. Fab Design Mercedes SLS Roadster

    More power, bigger bodykit. You’re looking at a 607bhp Rudolph, assuming of course, Santa is a well-to-do Brooklyn rapper.

  7. Hamann Range Rover Evoque

    There is but one thing more certain in this realm than death and taxes: the modification of a Range Rover. More power, bigger bodykit.

  8. Hamann McLaren MP4 12C

    Hamann’s motor show mechanics spannered themselves unconscious with this one: a complete remodelling of the McLaren MP4 12C. New side skits, front and rear splitters, extended diffusers, arches, panels to create a pseudo GT3-esque entrant.

  9. Hamann ‘Hawk' Mercedes SLS Roadster

    More power (628bhp), bigger bodykit, more red. It’s the Hawk. Fly away please.

  10. Invader N40

    It’s a Nissan Patrol underneath, with a girth wide enough to bludgeon your moral compass.

  11. Mansory Lamborghini Aventador

    Strangely, Mansory’s take on the new Lambo LP700-4 seems to fit in with the wild child Italian carmaker’s penchant for ludicrous show concepts. After all, have you seen the Aventador ‘J’?

  12. Mansory Bentley Continental GTC

    More power (672bhp), bigger bodykit, more white.

  13. Mansory Mercedes CLS

    Guess what? In a shocking turn of events, this Mansory CLS 63 AMG sports more power, more carbon fibre, is wider and is now even more grey.

  14. Mansory McLaren MP4-12C

  15. Novidem Audi R8 Bi-Compressor

    You guessed it. More power (800bhp), bigger body kit.

  16. Techart GT Street R

    Based on the new, rather fabulous Porsche 911. Now involves many yellows and a bodykit.

What do you think?

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