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It’s Top Gear Formula One bingo!

  1. Magnificent track, festival atmosphere and all that, but the Indian Grand Prix officially marked the moment when Sebastian Vettel became boring. Love you Seb, but can someone else have a go?
     
    So, unless he reads this (hi Seb, nice lap on the show), here’s a way to make this weekend’s race in Abu Dhabi a little more compelling. Top Gear Grand Prix Bingo!
     
    The format is familiar. If not, phone your Nan. It demands a steely focus, so no nipping off after the first pitstop when it becomes apparent that, despite a competitive first lap, Seb is heading for victory number 12.
     
    Usual rules apply; have a look at the next 12 pages and make a mental note of the magic moments. Then keep an eye on practice, qualifying and the race on Sunday. Each time the BBC catches one on camera, tick it off and post something on our live blog.

    We guarantee there won’t be any prizes on Monday.

  2. NUMBER ONE

    This year’s worst starter, Red Bull’s Mark Webber, caught on team radio muttering to himself on parade lap, over and over “ease it up to biting point, bring up the engine revs…..”

  3. NUMBER TWO

    A reference to the ‘tache off between Button vs Vettel. At the time of publishing it looked like JB had it in the bag with his contemporary interpretation of ‘the Graham Hill’. Will Seb’s bum fluff have found a direction come Sunday?

  4. NUMBER THREE

    Lewis making louder and louder gurgling noises from his now empty drinks bottle as he tries to drown out Lee McKenzie’s inevitable questions about his latest collision with Massa.

  5. NUMBER FOUR

    Any member of the commentary team describing Sebastian Vettel as “a very nicely brought up young man”. Give yourself a bonus if this comes, once again, from Eddie Jordan

  6. NUMBER FIVE

    A desperate “You and I have a bad bromance” look emerging on Ferrari engineer Rob Smedley’s face as Felipe Massa screws up once again. Read his lips: “I’m not angry with you Felipe…”

  7. NUMBER SIX

    Red Bull’s Adrian Newey giving an irritated “will you STOP that!!!” cinema stalls look as team boss Christian Horner’s wobbly foot begins to shake the whole Red Bull Racing pit wall bench.

     

  8. NUMBER SEVEN

    Williams driver Rubens Barrichello cunningly rearranging the characters in his sponsors’ names to spell out: “No job too small, No job too big. Has own van”.

  9. NUMBER EIGHT

    Newly rebranded Caterham drivers (the yellow and green Team Lotus cars) adjusting to new regime, scrabbling around in desert junkyards for a replacement back axle salvaged from an old Morris Ital.

  10. NUMBER NINE

    The 157th senior engineer to join the team this year, plain-shirted Sam Michael, looking utterly lost as he tries to work out exactly where he fits in to the new McLaren hierarchy.

  11. NUMBER TEN

    Felipe Massa on car-to-pit radio pleading with Rob Smedley not to leave him -  “I’ll change Rob, I’ll prove it to you…” - as he completes one entire lap without hitting something.

  12. NUMBER ELEVEN

    Any gratuitous film of one of the BBC commentary team riding a camel.

  13. BONUS BALL

    Rhianna makes another appearance in Lewis’s pit sparking rumours of romance. Or a re-shoot of the video for “We Found Love in a Hopeless Place.” Or just an excuse to post a photograph of Rhianna

What do you think?

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