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Automotive April Fools jokes 2014

  1. Mini Paceman GoalCooper Edition.

    This is not a new special edition from Mini called the Goal Cooper.

    The manufacturer claims that the limited edition John Cooper Works Paceman is dedicated to Seleção Brasileira, Brazil’s national football team. As such, it gets an astro turf floor and boot mats finished in Brasileiro Green, a miniature table football set mounted on the centre console, and a retractable goal net.

    “The new star of the Mini Team will be officially presented on 1 April 2014. All details regarding transfer fees and contract periods will remain strictly confidential until then,” says the BMW subsidiary.

    Nice try.

  2. Mini Cooper T

    But wait, there’s more from Mini…. This is the Cooper T, the world’s first vehicle to be powered by a tea-leaf biofuel composite.

    Apparently, it is available in a variety of colours including ‘Chamomile Yellow’, ‘Red Bush’ and ‘Earl Grey’.

    Mini says “Capable of covering up to 40 miles on a single cup, Cooper T certainly isn’t what you’d call thirsty. It boasts all the standard features you would expect, such as VVT, ABS and DSC, but also benefits from DAT or Dunk Avoidance Technology. This ingenious filtration system stops peckish owners and opportunistic passers by from inserting biscuits into the Mini T’s fuel tank in order to moisten their snacks.”

    Très drôle.

  3. BMW Artificial G-Force Technology

    Oh BMW, you cards.

    Today, the company sent us a release about its new Force Injection Booster simulation technology.

    Apparently, it recreates the effect of spirited driving even when you’re commuting at slower speeds. When activated at speeds under 20mph, the Force Injection Booster (FIB) works by extracting kinetic energy from the car’s engine and converting it into positive g-forces.

    The manufacturer claims: “These g-forces are then channelled directly at the driver and passengers through the air conditioning vents, while a mild electric current is delivered through the front seats, to simulate the same exhilarating feeling of driving at high speed.”

    Guffaw. And, indeed, guffaw.

  4. Peugeot personalised car horns

    This is Peugeot’s side-perforating effort - it’s news that, for the very first time, drivers will be able to personalise their car horns using state-of-the-art Audio Sonic technology

    Apparently, customers will be able to choose from an extensive library of sounds created at Peugeot’s new Audio Sonic Personalisation Centre. This library will be constantly updated in line with current trends in music, culture and lifestyle.

    The company says “For even more self-expression, customers can create and upload their own sounds, so that everyone can enjoy a truly individual horn, which they can change whenever they desire, just like changing a mobile ringtone.”

    Watch the video here. It’s a rib-tickler.

  5. Skoda Yeti Ice Edition

    A FUR CAR! That can’t possibly be rea…. Wait a minute!

    Apparently, the company’s celebrating the launch of its new Yeti range with the Yeti Ice, which pioneers a radical new faux fur finish developed by engineers working in the Himalayas.

    According to its inventor, Dr Yu Ciddingme, “The Yeti Ice’s faux fur has numerous advantages over traditional paint. The fur is so thick and luxurious that during tests in the arctic circle, our test drivers didn’t need to use the heater.”

    What fun.

  6. Citroen Cactus Arsenal Edition

    Another one for the LOL demographic, courtesy of Citroen. It’s a one-of-11 Cactus kitted out in the red, blue and gold shades of the Gunners’ iconic crest.

    The manufacturer adds: “The integrated dashboard console will feature Citroën’s new Geo Organised Away-day Location, Information & Entertainment interface, or G.O.A.L.I.E. The touchscreen system is preloaded with all of Arsenal’s away fixtures, including directions to the matches, a database of pie and mash vendors and a music playlist of rousing football anthems to sing along to.”

    Up the Arsenal!

  7. Vauxhall Astra Copacabana

    The Copacabana does not exist, and does not have a Brazilian flag on its roof, palm trees on its flanks and dancing lines along its doors.

    The company adds: “The 1.6 Turbo litre engine offers more drama than a penalty shoot-out, while acceleration from 0-60mph in just 2.6 seconds will press drivers into their seat-backs, which are upholstered from genuine Rio turf.”

    Our ROFLCOPTER has crashed.

  8. Honda tests speed gene

    The Pata Honda superbike team has announced a completely fabricated nepotistic youth policy whereby regular riders, Leon Haslam and Jonathan Rea, will hand over their Honda CBR1000RR SP racing machines to their enfant sons.

    Honda says: “Despite being less than a year old, Max Haslam and Jake Rea are deemed to have inherited sufficient quantities of the so-called ‘speed gene’ to warrant a full test on the sophisticated production race bikes.”

    This actually made us laugh a bit. A bit

  9. Volkswagen will teach rescue dogs to drive

    If only this were true.

    VW says “Over the past two months, three mixed-breed dogs, Tulip, Jacob and Harry, have been taught to drive a Volkswagen Amarok by the animal welfare charity. Amazingly the dogs, which were trained at the Southridge RSPCA centre in Hertfordshire, have learned to control the brakes, gears and even the steering wheel.”

    Seriously though, this should definitely be a thing.

  10. The Honda Handmade Series

    This is the 2015 Fit Kit, a fictitious DIY car from Honda.

    There’s no further information beyond this video, but sometimes fact is stranger than fiction…

    Now can we all stop please?

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