Features

Ever wondered why people go so slowly through 'The Cut' on the M40 near Stokenchurch? Could it be because the view of Oxfordshire from here, is the view featured in the title sequence of The Vicar of Dibley, and is just so captivating?

And if it is, then could it be that I've stumbled on a rather wondrous new road safety idea: when building roads, ensure they go through the prettiest scenery possible? Certainly, while watching the recent BBC series, Coast, I was startled to find how little of our magnificent shoreline is lined with a road.

There are thousands of miles of wondrous views which can only be enjoyed while on foot, not from a car. Take north Wales as a prime example. At present, people wishing to get to Anglesey from Aberystwyth must trundle up the A487 and the A496, which have to be rigorously patrolled with speed cameras in a bid to stop all those bored drivers from going too fast.

If there were to be a proper road which hugged the seaside, everyone would dawdle along looking at the waves and the bird-life. The act of driving, which is inherently dull, would be enhanced by visual stimulation and consequently there'd be no need to stimulate the limbic system of your brain with high-speed thrills.

And as a result, there'd be fewer crashes, fewer distraught parents and orphaned children. Best of all, such a scheme would blow a fuse in the head of the girl who mashed my face into a pie this month. Because everyone would be going so much more slowly, there'd be fewer fumes to spoil her precious environment.

But to achieve this goal, several hundred diggers would need to chew up the natural beauty of Britain's prettiest bits. What's it going to be, Banana Girl?