On the Wednesday, we read through the script I've written to make sure it's not in French. Then we do a quick rehearsal in the freezing, or boiling, studio.

Then James has a full three-course lunch as it's been a while since his full three-course breakfast. And it'll be at least six before he sits down to a three-course dinner. Richard doesn't eat as it dulls the whitener.

Then it's time to get ready. This means we have to break out the ironing board and do our shirts - when you've spent 33 days editing one film, there's no money left over for wardrobe girls. Or cars to whisk us to the studio. Or even a green room.

What we do have is a Portakabin. This is the beating heart of the operation. It has no heating, no broadband, no chairs, and nowhere for the guest's entourage to relax. We like it that way.

In summer, we sit on the grass looking at the airfield where WW2 fighters used to take off and imagine we're in the RAF, waiting for the signal to scramble.

This comes at around 2.30pm when the audience is herded in and the gates shut. At around 2.28, a bird normally flies into the Portakabin and craps on James. Or he decides he's hungry and needs another course, or that he needs a shit. So, just as I'm saying 'Please welcome, James May', I see him going to the bogs with The Daily Telegraph.

Currently, there are 190,000 people on the waiting list for tickets to see Top Gear. And with space for only 500 a week, it would take 19 years to accommodate them all.

So we know it's a big deal and have a tea break, so Richard, James and I can stand around having our pictures taken on people's telephones.

This baffles James a lot, partly because he doesn't understand camera phones, but mostly because he can't work out why anyone might want the picture of someone who's spent most of the day having a crap.

But I love Wednesdays and the buzz of a studio, standing there wondering why no one's laughing at your jokes and speculating on how big the laugh will be when it's dubbed on afterwards. I love the sheer volume of Red Bull we get through, the vast quantities of cigarettes we smoke. And just how often we can call Hammond gay.

I love the energy, the buzz and the way people react when you show them the films you worked so hard to make. It'll be hard to get that same buzz from watching two men play snooker.

Top Gear TV should be back on the air in May!