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Clarkson's crystal balls
So, they'll welcome the new broadcasting world. But that's because they're not yet 10 and they haven't thought it through.
At the moment, it costs a fortune to make Top Gear. Hundreds of people have to be paid. Richard Hammond has to be groomed. Cameras have to be rented. Fuel bought. Who is going to pay for this when the BBC is gone?
You'll pay for the download perhaps? Well, how much? Because if it's anything less than £12.50 we won't even have enough for the sticky product in Hammond's hair.
Advertising, then? Really? Are you going to sit through the commercials or hit the fast forward button? And how honest do you think we'd be about a Ford if the show was sponsored by, er, Ford?
And then there's the business of how a show like Top Gear would get off the ground in the first place. Who would have given us £200,000 for that first episode? And who would have watched? The show would have died after one miserable week.
So, as far as I can see, all you'll get on your new 'download' TV is that fat kid pretending to be a Jedi knight with a floor mop. And a bit of happy slapping.
'All you'll get on your new "download" TV is that fat kid pretending to be a Jedi knight with a floor mop'
And just in case you thought I'd gone mad and forgotten that this is a motoring website, I should say at this point that those of a petrolly disposition can stop smirking. Because I think motoring as we know it is coming to an end as well.
Recently, there was a bit of a row about whether or not Britain's government ministers should have new Jags as company cars. Apparently, they should have hybrid Toyota Priuses instead because this will set an example to the rest of us.
I don't think so. Government ministers in the recent past have used Rovers (they went bust), the Vauxhall Omega (dropped because no one bought one) and Jags (the new XJ has been a flop). I'm afraid the evidence is compelling. We don't look to our leaders for advice on anything. Let alone our choice of car.
And what's so good about the Prius anyway? It does 45mpg, which makes it thirstier and dirtier than most diesels, it has two engines, which means two filthy production lines and imagine what it would look like alongside Berlusconi's Quattroporte and Merkel's Merc? A Prius would make Mr Blair look like an even bigger berk than he already is.

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