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Then he'll leave us in the hands of Nick Bougas, the man who'll be briefing us in jungle survival skills during our short visit. "We also teach the lads who come out for training how to drive in the jungle," says 'John', sawing at the 'wheel of his army Land Rover Defender in an attempt to get traction through a sea of mud the consistency, colour and smell of an overflowing nappy.

Camp 6 Road, a misnomer of monumental proportions for a river of liquefied Teflon, is typical of a Belizean jungle track. "Getting stuck is not an option. Sawing at the wheel helps the edges of the tyres cut into the ground and give traction. We tend to find aggression gets us through most trouble. This is not a place to drive like an old lady."

We have support Land Rovers too, including a Defender belonging to the Belize Defence Force (whose commander lets me try his M203 grenade-launching rifle, but only with the grenades removed).

It is not a place to go with only one vehicle, as we find out. The vehicles swallow most of the mud for breakfast but one section of road - a mix of putrefied jungle floor churned up with gallons of tropical rain - has as much grip as a wet bar of soap.

The winches on a Discovery and the brawn of 'John's' machete skills, hacking through the undergrowth to find trees solid enough to hold a winch strap, get us out of the tan (think Miami pimp's shoes) slime faster than you can say 'who dares wins'.

"We take the vehicles (sometimes not Land Rovers but quad bikes) only so far. We drive them to a safe distance then go in 'technically' - which means stealthily," says 'John' as we get out of the vehicles and begin moving through the trees on foot.

The mud has been so deep it has taken us three hours to move just a mile in the Defender. Walking is not much faster, though. A special forces operative slithers, on average, just one mile a day in the jungle.

The idea of moving like a cat burglar through a forest of bastard trees with the equivalent of a small woman clamped to your back defies comprehension. But when the 40kg Bergen backpack contains your entire month's survival rations and water, there's no other choice.

"If you know where to look, you can find good water in the jungle," says 'John', pointing out life-saving flora among a mass of otherwise dangerous stuff. "Water vines, pitcher plants and bamboo all store potable water. As for eating, there are lots of things you can eat, but water is what keeps you alive.

"The basic rule if you want to see if something is edible or not, is to first rub it on your skin. If there is no reaction you can then rub it on your lips, wait, then put it inside your mouth, wait, then eat a little, wait, then eat an amount about half the size of a golf ball."