Features
Jeremy and the Germans
The thing is, I can sort of see why you might want a G-Wagen. It is because you have to drive round London selling drugs and guns. And I can see why you might want an R-Class. It's because you are stupid and can't see that the Volvo XC90 is much cheaper, much more practical and much better.
That brings us to the ML-Class. It's a good car. I'd have one like a shot if I woke one morning to discover I'd suddenly become allergic to the Range Rover. But I'm afraid, when it comes to the GL, I'm stumped.
I can see no reason why anyone, mental or otherwise, would choose to spend upwards of £50k on a car that seems at face value to be just like its brothers, only less wieldy, more expensive and uglier.
Plainly, I had to find out, so I rang Merc and asked for a test drive. One day later, it was nosing through my gates, and a week after that, the rear end arrived as well. My word, it's big. 5.3m big. And wide with it.
Later, I was on the Earls Court Road in London and thought, for no particular reason, that I should get into the left lane. So, I did all the right things. I checked my mirror, I indicated, and after I'd established all was well, I moved over - BANG - straight into the kerb.
'There are only a handful of things I'd actually want to ban. Church bells are one. The Mercedes GL is another'
It turned out I was already in the left lane. And the centre lane. And the right lane, all at the same time. What's more, the nose of the car was outside the restaurant where I was having lunch, while the rear was coming out of the BBC's car park. In Birmingham. It felt like I was navigating the Shropshire Union Canal in the USS Dwight D Eisenhower.
I think this is a car designed for use mostly in America. It certainly looks that way with all sorts of unnecessary styling details and chromed bits and bobs - the sort of stuff simple people and children like. Inside, you'd expect more seats than you'd find in a bendy bus. But no. There are in fact, just seven.
I'm not a hysterical man. There are many things that annoy me - church bells, for example - but there are only a handful of things I'd actually want to ban. Church bells are one. The Mercedes GL is another. It seems to me that while the aviation industry is attracting much of the socialists' ire at the moment, the car is still teetering on something of a brink.
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