It means we are, give or take, the most watched show on the BBC. And that's just in Britain. Factor in the rest of the world, and TG is effing massive. Great.

Secretly, the producer and I take these figures to the pub and having read them, pour champagne into one another's underpants.

We are very proud. But what do we do when the next series begins? Do we go back to the old days, driving round corners in saloon cars, to the accompaniment of Bad Company and 'His Mobiness'? Or do we keep on annoying the internet dweebs from Norway and North Carolina by continuing to cock about?

I desperately want to make a film comparing the Audi RS4 Avant, the BMW M5 Touring and the Mercedes E63 estate. I want to show those of a 4x4 disposition that there's a life in a stratum below where they normally live.

A more fun-filled, oversteery sort of life, where you get home more quickly, and with a bigger smile on your face, and (because hippies and Communists only care about four-wheel drive) with less egg on your windscreen as well.

I want to test that new Punto Abarth Fiat is talking about. I want to wring its neck round our track, and drive it all over Wales. Then there's the new M3.

That, versus the new V8 Lexus, would surely be one of the great twin tests of the modern age. Which is fastest? Which generates the most g through the Hammerhead? Who knows? And who cares?

I suspect the majority of the audience would rather we loaded both cars into a large plane, flew over the Arizona desert and then pushed them out to see which hit the ground first.

You may say that, as a public service broadcaster, we shouldn't care about viewing figures; and it's true - we shouldn't.

We can take them to the lavatory for a little moment of pleasure, but we can't skew programmes to make them as big as possible or we'd end up with Jade Goody and The Hamiltons being loaded into the cars before they were pushed out of the transport plane...

Anyway, although we won't chase figures, we still have to give the audience something you want and like.

Which means we should make Top Gear an entertainment show featuring cars, rather than a car show, that isn't as boring as your wife and kids feared. Or have I got that all wrong? I'm stuck on this one and would love to hear your views.

Obviously, you can write to us here at the magazine, or you can go to our website and do a blog, or whatever it is you do on websites when you're not masturbating.

Other Jeremy Clarkson Articles
Jeremy Clarkson Home Page
Jeremy Clarkson - Rallies the Troops
Jeremy Clarkson - Shaken, Not Stirred
Jeremy Clarkson - Joins the Fast Lane

Other Car Reviews
BMW 5-Series
Mercedes E-Class