I seem to recall that once they attempted some sort of lesbian relationship - but even this missed the mark, since lesbionics only really works as a visual treat.

Two middle-aged women standing in a Birmingham studio kissing their own wrists to simulate stimulation is even more hopeless than the alternative: someone's lost stamp collection or whether bicycles should be allowed on the bridleway. It's The Vicar of Dibley, without the jokes.

So, you switch to Radio 3 which is in the middle of a particularly difficult Russian symphony and eventually, you wind up on commercial radio which, knowing the whole world has just tuned in, is busy playing adverts for shops you'll never visit. You'll note I've left Radio 1 out of the list here, and with good reason: there is no good music on Radio 1. Ever.

As a result of all this, I find myself driving like a maniac as seven o'clock looms ever nearer. It is imperative I get home before Chris Evans signs off. And this makes me a dangerous driver.

I overtake when there's a 30 per cent chance of making it. And I hit 120 on roads where 40 would be deemed excessive. One of these days, I shall be killed and it will all be Bob Harris' fault.

Radio controllers must address this. If they were to get Johnnie Walker to interview some ageing rock impresario, or ask Kiera Knightley to express her sexual fantasies, I'd slow down so I could hear the ending.

The point I'm trying to make here is that driving, in itself, is boring and being told to concentrate on it, and nothing else, is like being told to concentrate on breathing, and nothing else.

Speed works. If I'm driving fast to get home before Bob Harris brings along his Sounds of the West Country, I couldn't possibly nod off or lose concentration. Sleep is absolutely impossible when you're power sliding a Lamborghini.

Now the country has a new prime minister. And he has many problems to address. The war in Iraq. Rising interest rates. Out-of-control spending in the NHS. And how to round up half-a-million illegal immigrants. But nevertheless he should make it his first priority to ensure that drivers caught in control of a vehicle while under the influence of nothing in particular should face the full force of the law.

People with Citroen Picassos, meanwhile, should be taken out and shot.

Other Jeremy Clarkson Articles
Jeremy Clarkson Home Page
Jeremy Clarkson - Needs You
Jeremy Clarkson - Rallies the Troops
Jeremy Clarkson - Shaken, Not Stirred

Other Car Reviews
Citroen C4 Picasso
Citroen Xara Picasso