Not that long ago, on our telly show, I attemptedto demonstrate all of this by ripping everything from the inside of a Mercedes S-Class and replacing it with stuff that you might actually find in your house.

I levelled off the floor with a layer of cement and then added some nice York stone flags. I then plastered the inside of the doors, and fitted a wood burning stove in the back, instead of a heater. Finally, I replaced three of the seats with some lovely wheel-backed kitchen chairs, and one with a cosy little wingback that I found in a flea market in the Cotswolds.

Of course, m'colleagues, May and Hammond, ridiculed my efforts saying that the flooring had added 4.2 tons to the car's weight and, as a result, it got from 0 to 60 in 32.5 seconds.

They were also disappointed to note that I hadn't actually fastened any of the seats in place. Or any ofthe furniture. So when they went round a corner, everything - them included - fell over. Some of the logs from the stove also fell out, I admit, slightly burning May, who made an awful fuss.

Behind their mocking, however, I had made a serious point. That it really was possible to make a car interior nice. So nice, that, for once, you won't care about taking half-a-minute to reach 60 or a lack of ability in corners. What's the rush to get home? You're already there!

Even at a simple level, could someone explain why cars have carpets. They get dirty and damp, and then they smell. So you are obliged to fit floor mats, which removes the point of having carpets in the first place.

There are many alternatives, some of which weigh even less than York stone. What about sisal matting, for example? Or a nice Bokhara rug? Or, if you fancy something modern, it is now possible to buy tiles which are made from two pieces of foot-square clear plastic.

In the middle of the sandwich is a splotch of ink - blue, red, purple, green: take your pick - which oozes about as you tread on it. It's fantastic and would look great in, say, an Audi TT.

And seats? Why not fit those circular Seventies jobbies that were much favoured by girlfriends of Jason King? Then there is my biggest bug bear of them all. Plainly the people who design car interiors are so massively homosexual, they have no concept of the idea of 'children', and therefore absolutely no clue how 'children' like to pass the time.