I've had other thoughts, too. We're told the cars lose front end grip when tucked in the turbulent wake of another, so overtaking is impossible. Hmm.

I'd like to put that to the test by paying the drivers £25,000 a year and then giving them a million pounds a point. This, I feel sure, would overcome any 'aerodynamic' difficulties.

Or, if it doesn't, how's this for a plan... Bernie Ecclestone employs all the drivers and farms them out, on a rota basis, to the teams. So, in the course of a season, each driver would drive each of the cars.

The best man would still win the drivers', and the best team would still win the constructors' championship, but we'd get to see Kimi trying to carve his way through the field in a crap car while some no-hoper struggles to get to grips with the Ferrari up front.

What we must avoid is the American system whereby a pace car is sent on the track at the whim of a TV producer. It's great for bunching everyone up but this is bit like asking Roger Federer to wear a suit of armour when playing Tim Henman. Yes, it levels the playing field but you don't have a sense that the best man won.

We must also avoid endless rule changes. No one ever says "Hmm, I like football, but let's see if it would be better if everyone wore their shorts back-to-front."

And anyway, making the cars different every year means the richer teams can adapt, while the poorer ones can't. It means the gulf between the front and the back of the grid gets wider and wider and wider.

Finally, we've got to look at the world's tracks. Who cares whether James Allen has a Wi-Fi receiver in his commentary booth or whether they allow cigarette advertising. All that matters is that overtaking is possible on Every Single Corner.

I like F1. I really do. I like the idea that the car makers go to engineering firms to design the absolute best, road-going rocket that current technology allows. But I want it to be glamorous and exciting. I'd go to Ron Dennis if I wanted my VAT doing, but not for a wild night out with drugs and hookers.

Someone, and I think it's going to have to be me, must lay down a new set of once-and-for-all rules, every single one of which is geared to make sure the car behind can easily get past the one in front.

Oh, and that Earth Car. No. Just no, OK.

Top Gear will be back in October

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