I haven't finished yet. There's the Seat Toledo, the Renault Megane, the Jaguar S-Type, the Mazda 5, the Kia Sedona and that Hyundai whose name I can't be bothered to remember.

Why were these cars made? We know it is possible to make a pretty car, so why employ a stylist who cannot? It doesn't make any sense.

I think the problem is simple though. Today, everyone is too polite. When Jenkins comes in with his ideas for the new car, the bosses are slightly in awe of his polo-necked jumper and his thin glasses. What's more, they know he's been toiling away for months on the project, and they don't want to reward him by saying, "That's terrible."

It'd be like saying to a new mother whose just shown you her baby: "Jesus Christ. I think I'm going to be sick."

I think, however, that since looks and style are the most important part of a car, the board of directors is going to have to gird its loins, follow the example of The X Fact's Simon Cowell and speak its mind.

This brings me neatly onto a friend of mine, who, while staying in Bermuda recently, was invited to a swingers' party. His wife was unwilling to go but, being a decent sort, said that she wouldn't mind if he went on his own.

Sadly, this wasn't possible. The invite said: "Couples only". So he spent two whole days trawling the local bars and nightclubs looking for someone - anyone - who was willing to accompany him.

By his own admission, the girl he eventually found was not what you'd call a looker. But since it was a swingers' party, he felt it wouldn't matter.

It did. He arrived at the address, where a burly bouncer with a curly-wurly, FBI-style ear-piece pointed at the girl and said, "That won't do." And shut the door.

You feel sorry for the "that". I should imagine it was very hurtful. But who knows. Maybe it was just the impetus she needed to go home and do something about her appearance.

I choose my final words on the Impreza carefully, then - that won't do.