Features
'There's a smug satisfaction that comes from learning the foibles of an aged car'
'There's a smug satisfaction that comes from learning the foibles of an aged car'
July 22, 2008

Features


The old masters


Often, I'm in one of our sheds and I'm struck by the realisation that, with a little ongoing fettling, plus a supply of spare car electricity, there's no reason why I shouldn't keep going until I reach Australia.

And then - and the big C is with me on this one - there's the smug satisfaction that comes from learning the foibles of a clapped-out motor: which gears jump out unless you hold on to the knob, which switches have to be wiggled a bit, how to stop the seat moving about.

After a few days in the Audi 80 of the original £100 challenge, I had it sussed, and had developed a set of driving skills peculiar to that car, and which only I knew. Jezza had done the same with his Volvo. If we'd swapped cars, we would have found each other's undriveable. That makes an old and essentially broken car more exclusive than anything else in Top Gear magazine.

I'm also staggered to think how many people are ruining their lives and living in less than domestic bliss just to finance a nice car. You can have a nice car for £500 these days. And when a car's life is already over in the eyes of most people, and when every turn of the wheel is just a moment of grace stolen from the jaws of the crusher, the burden of ownership is nil.


'I'm staggered to think how many people are living in less than domestic bliss just to finance a nice car'

You'll be so thrilled to find it still working in the morning that the stoved-in rear bumper inflicted by a neighbour will go unnoticed. It might break completely after a few months, but so did my toaster. I threw it away and bought another one.

However, I'm still not being entirely honest with myself. The other day, I drove a very old 2CV. I could say, as many people have, that it had an undeniable Gallic charm, and an appeal born of ruthless pragmatism on the part of its maker.

I could applaud its monastic austerity and thrill to the memory of its feeble but struggling air-cooled engine and quirky umbrella gearchange. But I'd be lying. An old 2CV is unbelievably crap in every single way imaginable. And I loved it.

And there's the truth of it. I can't deny it for a moment longer. I actually like crap cars, and I think I'm going to ask if I can be fired.


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