Dear Ms Sian Berry,

Commiserations on your recent defeat in the London mayoral elections. However, following your continued campaigning against 'gas guzzling' SUVs, we fear we must draw your attention to Chilli, the Friesian bullock believed to be Britain's biggest cow.

Have you considered the carbon footprint of this mighty bovine? According to a recent study, the methane produced by the average cow is equivalent to approximately 2,600kg of carbon dioxide per year, some 70 per cent of the 3,700kg produced by the average Toyota Land Cruiser over the same period.

That's the average cow, remember. Chilli, 6ft 6in brute that he is, is at least 30 per cent larger than the average cow, meaning he produces at least the same amount of CO2 as a Land Cruiser. And, as far as Top Gear can ascertain, he does not even have to pay the congestion charge.

Ms Berry, can you allow this rampant ungulate methanating of the atmosphere to continue unchecked? Surely the only just course of action is to have Chilli slaughtered and turned into delicious burgers for undernourished primary school children? You could even keep a nice steak for yourself. You need a bit of colour in your cheeks. Then again, if you prefer fish...

We hope this matter can be addressed swiftly and humanely.

Yours sincerely,

Top Gear