Hire car: There was no other contender and you know it

'You have to get a car that handles really well. This is extremely important, and there's a lot of debate on this subject - about what kind of car handles best. Some say a front-engined car; some say a rear-engined car. I say a rented car.'
P.J. O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile.

Yes, the fastest car in the world is, as O'Rourke would have, one that belongs to someone else. Specifically, the faceless corporations that live in lurid-coloured branch offices on airport concourses and slightly inconvenient out-of-town locations across the world.

Hiring a car is an exciting business from the off. What are they going to give you this time? Because although hire companies deal in categories of car, everyone knows the vehicle they actually give you is determined by someone in the back office spinning a massive wheel of chance.

What'll it be this time? Punto? Focus? 3-Series? Maybach 62? Lockheed F-117A stealth fighter? Or maybe you got off the plane late, and all they have left is an Albanian-spec Kia Sedona with no aircon and an engine that runs on leaves.

The great rental car lottery is one of life's strangest thrills. But it's when you've got the keys that the real fun starts.

Jump in, gag slightly at the chemical synthesis of stale fruit that they've used to mask the fact that the previous renter left a dead monkey in the boot, and then go, go, GO!

Ragging the engine until it bangs off the limiter, late-braking in a way Schuey would have described as 'brave', finding out what changing gear without the clutch feels like - all of these loutish pleasures are yours in hire-car land. Cornering so hard the tyres peel off the rims is good too, and if it gets a bit hairy, well, you've got the full CDW to protect you. It does cover the side panels, the roof and some of my limbs, right?

You can do anything you want in a hire car as long as you always remember one crucial thing - it's not yours.