Firstly, an apology. I have now been sitting here, attempting to write this minitest for approximately three hours and 47 minutes. My head is pounding, I feel sick and I wish I hadn't had that final pint last night. Throughout the course of this minitest you may well have to excuse me while I rush off to (delete as appropriate) throw up/take Nurofen/ drink strong coffee/remember another hideously embarrassing incident. So, in advance, I'm sorry.

Anyway, the BMW 323i. The first thing to point out is that although the name suggests otherwise, the 323i is in fact powered by a 2.5 rather than a 2.3-litre engine. Power output is a healthy 170bhp at 5,500rpm and it will do the sprint to 62mph in eight seconds before hitting its not inconsiderable 144mph maximum speed. A meaty engine note greets the ears at low revs and the engine is keen to pull good and hard, no matter which gear you're in. The gearchange itself is the usual precise, if slightly remote-feeling, cog-swapper that we've come to expect from BMW. Excuse me for a moment, I'm feeling a little bit off-colour...

...Diced carrots well and truly despatched, it's time to talk about the handling. Well, the 3-Series has now grown up and got sensible. Whereas the old car felt pin sharp and sporty, the new car feels less agile and more comfort-orientated. The ride is excellent, but show it a bend and there's more body roll and a tad less response than you would expect from 'the ultimate driving machine'. The old 3-Series urged you to press on at every opportunity, but the newer car is happiest when it's cruising. Treat it like a mini 7-Series and you won't be disappointed. Now, where did I put those pain killers? The headache tablets might not fall easily to hand, but the controls on the inside of the BMW do. Room inside is much better than on the old car, too, and on top of that, it's a high tech tour de force.

As well as the usual array of electric everything (except the seats, which will cost you an extra £1,000), the BMW comes with ASC+T (Automatic Stability Control and Traction) which sorts your brakes and your power mid-corner should you get it wrong. If you still manage to crash, you'll be pleased to know that there's an arsenal of airbags located at various strategic points throughout the car, including the door pillars and the rear of the car - though again these will cost you extra. Hang on a sec, time for a strong mug of coffee...

...And finally, there's the price. At £24,745, on the face of it at least, the BMW seems reasonably good value. But to bring it up to the rather luxurious level of our test car, prepare to dig deeper. Let's see, there's metallic paint, rear side airbags, sunroof, cross-spoke alloy wheels, automatic air re-circulation, BMW sports seats, sports steering wheel, sports suspension, navigation system, wood trim, leather and electric seats. That's £7,325, making a grand total of £32,070. Not exactly cheap, but still slightly less money than I spent on beer last night. Oh no, I've just remembered what happened next...

Zac Assemakis

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