Volkswagen

Volkswagen

No, it doesn’t mean ‘People’s Car’, it means ‘Properly Built Alternatives To Contemporary Brit Tat’. VW has been responsible for raising the engineering, build and reliability standards of ordinary cars. It’s still up there, but now finds itself surrounded on the podium by more and more genius upstarts.

  • Volkswagen Beetle

    Beetle

    £10,852 - £20,199

    Cutesy sentimentalism only goes so far, and even die-hard Herbie fans must be beginning to tire of poor packaging, odd ride and limp handling. Time to move on.

  • VW Beetle Cabriolet

    Beetle Cabriolet

    The sort of car that's all about making some sort of indiscernible statement that only professes a broad disregard for the basic requirements of motoring in favour of looking like whatever you think you look like in the campest car on the market.

  • Volkswagen Eos

    Eos

    £19,027 - £29,565

    An odd leap onto the tin-top cabrio bandwagon, hamstrung by an extended Golf chassis and a boot so small you can take sandwiches to the picnic, but not crisps.

  • Volkswagen Fox

    Fox

    £5,945 - £7,370

    Brazilian built city-car unworthy of VW’s rock-solid quality reputation. Even if you fervently believe Basil Brush is real, this is one fox you simply won’t find credible.

  • Volkswagen Golf

    Golf

    £11,457 - £25,845

    Benchmark is an over-used word, but you simply can’t consider buying a hatchback without comparing it with the original. Still superb, but now being run mighty close.

  • Volkswagen Golf Estate

    Golf Estate

     The Golf is one of the most, er, innocuous cars around, and the estate is the ultimate derivative.

  • Volkswagen Golf GTi

    Golf GTi

    If the Astra VXR is a hooligan, then the Golf GTI is a jewel thief played by Cary Grant – sublime, effortless, powerful. You’d like not to be seduced, but dammit he’s good.

  • Volkswagen Golf Plus

    Golf Plus

    £12,467 - £20,025

     It's a Volkswagen Golf. But a bit bigger. Yes, it's slightly taller VW Golf that slips into a niche that no one thought of, and we're not sure anyone wants

  • Volkswagen Jetta

    Jetta

    £14,282 - £19,655

    Look, sorry about this but they’ve asked me to design a booted version of the Golf. Yeah, I know it’s half five – you start the car, it should only take a couple of secs. 

  • Volkswagen Passat

    Passat

    £14,980 - £31,215

    The US Air Force has ordered Passats for stealth duties – they’re so uninteresting the enemy will never notice them, yet they’re made of granite and never go wrong.

  • Volkswagen Phaeton

    Phaeton

    £42,162 - £73,940

    If your chauffeur comes back with one of these, cuff him about the head, slightly dislodging his peaked cap, and tell him to go away and find you a proper limo.

  • Volkswagen Polo

    Polo

    £6,967 - £15,030

    Never VW’s finest hour, and feeling increasingly off the pace in today’s hotbed superminimart. Consider only if you’re too lazy to do any proper research.

  • Volkswagen Scirocco

    Scirocco

    £20,210 - £21,540

    Ignore anyone who tells you the Scirocco is just a Golf for people with very short friends. It’s far, far better than that. It’s for people with very short friends who want a fine hot hatch and a mild dose of cashing-in-on-brand-nostalgia.

  • Volkswagen Tiguan

    Tiguan

    £18,635 - £23,385

    Unremarkable latecomer to the SUV party, relying on chunky looks to lure you into thinking it can rough it. It can’t, but it doesn’t matter. And the ride is class-leading.

  • Volkswagen Touareg

    Touareg

    £28,732 - £61,055

    Huge, plutocratic Land Cruiser wannabe, but with a proper interior. Will offend less people than the similar Porsche Cayenne, so will offend very nearly everyone. 

  • Volkswagen Touran

    Touran

    £14,190 - £22,845

    Not made of cardboard, but a characterless box in every other sense. Don’t park it under Waterloo Bridge – somebody’s bound to set up home in it. 

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