Audi TT: Law of Percentages

But it had an incredible engine. It was a 3.2 V6. It made 250bhp. But it sounded like it would break out of the bonnet, smash the windshield, grab you by the collar, and make you want to repent your existence. It sounded that wild, that loud, that angry. You usually get that with V8s and V12s. But sixers sound smooth and loud. Not angry and baying for your blood.

Which is why we loved that TT despite the rest of the car being a glorified VW Golf without the practicality. Now, Audi has put out a new one. Well, it isn’t an all-new generation. Just a mid-life refresh. The length has increased by a few millimetres thanks to some bits on the bumpers, the headlights get those dotted LED running lights, and the anarchic 3.2 V6 is gone, making way for a 2.0-litre turbo-charged four-cylinder.

So, bare-hairy-chest went and covered itself up with a button-up, crease-free, full-sleeved shirt. And when you start the thing, it does feel like a cover up. With the old V6, when you turned the ignition on, you could practically hear it growl, “If you’ve woken me up, it better be for good reason”. This new engine is so silent, the only way you’d guess it’s come on is when the dials light up and the needles do the back-and-forth jig.