Clarkson in the Lexus LFA

Because, for just a few quid, you could buy a picture to hang over your mantelpiece. It might even be quite nice. But that doesn't stop you dreaming about owning Turner's priceless Rain, Steam and Speed.

It's old. It's cracked. It's fuzzy and the insurance would be huge. But what would you rather have? That? Or The Crying Boy? Hammond and May would go for The Crying Boy. But I have a soul, which is why I wouldn't.

(Words: Jeremy Clarkson, Pictures: Justin Leighton/Lee Brimble)