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Porsche builds an offensively huge, ugly SUV. Charges the earth.
Testament to the compelling business case for the SUV, the Porsche Cayenne is a ghastly diversion from the Porsche purist path that has made the company so much money it’s never looked back. Ugly, expensive, pointless… and everywhere.
It goes without saying that the Cayenne is the lap of luxury. For an SUV with such a turn of speed and relative composure in the corners it's amazing how well it rides. Engine and wind noise are also nothing to worry about.
Depending on the varying levels of your wealth and lack of self-respect it is possible to have a quick, very quick or absurdly quick Cayenne. The 4.8-litre Turbo will hit 100kph in 5.1 seconds and keep at it until 275kph. But the world will hate you.
No-one likes a sanctimonious lefty, but if someone gobs on the windscreen of your Cayenne Turbo S you can rightly reason you had it coming. Caveat Emptor.
Definitely not going to fall apart in your hands this, but some bits and bobs in the Cayenne feel a little VW parts bin compared to a proper 911, and it's no match for the luxury of a Range Rover.
It may be a full-size SUV, but Porsche went to a hell of a lot of trouble in the protracted development of the Cayenne to ensure it handled like a car. And it does, although more like a big, quite shit one you keep thinking you might crash.
Our only criticism here is that for such a big car we'd have hoped for a bit more rear legroom. Nonetheless, it's big by any standards and naturally vast for a Porsche.
How does 7.6kpl sound? That's Porsche's own best figure for the Cayenne GTS on a combined cycle, so you can imagine what the reality would be like, especially if you drove it as hard as they want you to.