If we’re going to talk about BMW’s M cars, we need to acknowledge that the one that’s talked about most is the M3. Its M3 is the sort of car that deluded owners imagine they can somehow improve with aftermarket bits, so the world is full of classic M3-a-likes crafted out of lowly 318s with added badges but the damnation of the feeble original single exhaust pipe. I’ve decided I’m more of an M5 kind of bloke.

The M5 is a quiet pint. For a start, the 5-Series has always been a proper, car-shaped car, with a decent boot at the back and the engine in the front. It’s not so big that it’ll end its days as an executive minicab driven by a man in a bad jacket, like the 7-Series, but it’s big enough to allow you and your passengers to lounge around a bit. The 5-Series is the perfect size for a car, and I like a saloon.