Alfa Romeo Brera

Road test

Strangers keep starting conversations with me about the Brera. I let slip what I do and, wham, they come straight out with it... "What about that Alfa, though, eh? Is it going to be any good?"

Maybe. Let's change the subject. "It looks gorgeous, though. Just perfect. When are you driving it?" After I've got the hell away from you.

There's obviously something about Alfas that hits the sweet spot with Joe public. Industry types are more sceptical. But if your appreciation of a car is based on kerb appeal alone, you're bound to be seduced. They're not German and boring, Japanese and nerdy, or English and a bit shit.

The Brera does look good too, particularly round the arse-end where Giugiaro really went to town. And there's something inherently cool about coupes. They are indulgently impractical without being tarty.

This is the version all those strangers are really interested in too. Potentially it's also the one to pull the Brera out of its impending market collapse in the face of the new Audi TT and BMW Z4 Coupe, both of which offer incomparably better drives for very comparable money.

The £29,850, top-of-the-range, four-wheel-drive, 260bhp, 3.2-litre V6, then. Yes, you still bang your head on the roof, and you still wonder how your kids are going to fit in the back without undergoing a home amputation, but at least it's finally got some poke. Right?

Well no, not really. It sounds like it has - both when you hear the figures, and when you turn the key - but at no point does it ever really feel it. Instead the V6 Brera comes across all sluggish and dumpy when you punt it from a standstill, and a bit short of torque when you're working through the gears.

There's a lovely engine note, full of balls and character, but the unit itself is no match for the car's appreciable 1,630kg kerb weight.

For context, the most similarly powered TT weighs exactly 200kg less, or the equivalent of three adults. The steering and gearchange are also too woolly, making a brand-new press car feel like it's gone round the clock.

It's a shame when you tell that optimistic stranger the car he's been twitching about for the last 18 months is actually a bit of a stiff. He looks all crestfallen.

Or worse still, he looks like he doesn't believe you. And that's the way it'll be for the Brera. People will see it, hear it, love it, and buy it regardless.

Matt Master