BMW

BMW

You sooooo want to hate these guys – they brag about the Ultimate Driving Machine and dammit they deliver exactly what they promise. In every sector expect definitive build quality and peerless engineering. The only Achilles heels are an addiction to run-flat tyres and a tendency to attract tossers.

  • BMW 1-Series

    1 Series

    £15,235 - £28,110

    Although it's a good small car, this is probably a niche too far for the brand. Despite looking quite smart as a saloon, it has the distinct whiff of a poor man's 3-Series.

  • BMW 1-Series Cabriolet

    1 Series Convertible

    Although it's a good small car, this is probably a niche too far for the brand. Despite looking quite smart as a saloon, it has the distinct whiff of a poor man's 3-Series.

  • BMW 1-Series Coupe

    1 Series Coupe

    £19,730 - £30,400

    Although it's a good small car, this is probably a niche too far for the brand. Despite looking quite smart as a saloon, it has the distinct whiff of a poor man's 3-Series.

  • BMW 3-Series

    3 Series

    £20,265 - £54,830

    A victim of its own success in that everyone on the planet owns one, so forget ideas of premium status. But for real drivers this is still Earth's best small saloon car.

  • BMW 3-Series Cabriolet

    3 Series Convertible

    A victim of its own success in that everyone on the planet owns one, so forget ideas of premium status. But for real drivers this is still Earth's best small saloon car.

  • BMW 3-Series Touring

    3 Series Touring

    £21,430 - £37,160

    Says 'I’m a middle-management middleweight' slightly less than the 3-Series coupe or saloon, and drives very nearly as well. All good, then.

  • BMW 5-Series

    5 Series

    £26,125 - £63,460

    You have to drive it to understand. It's all in the body control, the rear-drive chassis, the sweet steering. Challenging looks soften with familiarity. Find the money.

  • BMW 5-Series Touring

    5 Series Touring

    £28,115 - £66,010

    In M5 Touring guise, massively desirable. In non-M guise, slightly less desirable but probably a better idea unless you want to get on first name terms with your local petrol station cashier.

  • BMW 6-Series

    6 Series

    £47,895 - £82,565

    Huge, flash coupe with more attitude than a class of 15-year-olds and looks that even its own mother would be hard pushed to love. Old school GT superiority.

  • BMW 6-Series Convertible

    6 Series Convertible

    £53,475 - £87,235

    Huge, flash coupe with more attitude than a class of 15-year-olds and looks that even its own mother would be hard pushed to love. Old school GT superiority.

  • BMW 7-Series

    7 Series

    £52,165 - £95,450

    The all-new version of Bangle's beast isn't as ugly as the first, and it's an even better car. Loaded with technology, but lacking a little soul.

  • BMW M3

    M3

    Tragically this totally formidable performance icon has attracted so many gits over the years it has become borderline naff. But it's so scintillating you might risk it...

  • BMW M5

    M5

    No motoring nut requires a V10-powered sledgehammer to crack it. OK, but then you press the M-button. It is warp, it is g-spot, it is England winning the World Cup...

  • BMW M6

    M6

    A sharp tool to do a job, but at this level you might be looking for something that looks sexy and classy rather than a GT fashioned from slightly melted Stickle-Bricks.

  • BMW X3

    X3

    £26,985 - £37,765

    Savagely disappointing compact SUV that will leave hoardes of trusting buyers trying to figure out how BMW got it so wrong. Rides like a pogo stick on a cattle grid.

  • BMW X5

    X5

    £38,715 - £74,970

    You won't be liked - nobody who can afford an imposing, seven-seat behemoth should expect popularity. But it's mainly jealousy. That and very grudging respect.

  • BMW X6

    X6

    £40,645 - £76,290

    Sorry, what was the question again? If you thought Mercedes was stretching the boundaries of possible niches, then check out this SUV/coupe.

  • BMW Z4 Roadster

    Z4

    £27,700 - £37,925

    Z4 irritates the purists by getting a folding hard-top. Engineers around the world are currently burning effigies of whoever thought that was a good idea, while the fashionistas are burning incense.

  • BMW Z4M

    Z4M/Coupe

    More hardcore than the foundations of the Olympic village. You can't approach it half-heartedly and they all know that. A classic now, a proper classic in the future.

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