The temptation is to write STIG'S NAKED HARLEM SHAKE to help the amount of eyeballs on today's breaking news. But we're above such cheap literary tricks, so we'll just crack on with the facts: this is the new Nissan Note, a sensible mini MPV launching at this year's Geneva motor show that'll compete with the Honda Jazz and Ford Fiesta. And there'll be a 500bhp R version!
That last bit wasn't true. You'll be able to pick from three engines - a 79bhp 1.2-litre petrol that dies 60.1mpg, a more powerful and inexplicably more efficient version of the same (97bhp and 65.7mpg) and a 1.5-litre diesel. The latter does 78.5mpg and emits just 95g/km of CO2. The car'll also encourage you to wring the most out of your fuel with two eco gauges. One's attached to the pedal and gives an efficiency rating based on throttle input, and the other records real-time economy.
There's also a lot of safety technology you won't find in similarly sized rectangles. Most of which comes under the Nissan Safety Shield package - you get a blind spot warning system, lane departure warning and an advanced moving object detection system, plus a reversing camera that displays the Note's rump in bird's eye view via the 5.8-inch infotainment screen.
You'll be able to pick it up in one of three trim levels; Visia, Acenta and Tekna, and stop-start kits, six airbags and cruise control are standard across the range. Acentas get add air-con, Bluetooth connection and rear electric windows, and the Tekna models get said Safety Shield pack, 'Around View Monitor', half-leather chairs and keyless entry.
You'll have to wait till 2013 to find out how much they'll cost, but our question to you is this - did you manage to read anything beyond STIG'S NAKED HARLEM SHAKE, and the following sentence explaining our unwillingness to employ it as a deceptive authorial device?