Aye, those Hummers are all well and good, but they've gone a bit namby-pamby in recent years, haven't they? Want you need, lad, is one of these: the BAE ArmouredBastard.
OK, it doesn't actually have a name yet, but it is made by British defence company BAE, in response to a request from the US military for a Hummer H1 replacement.
Currently a working concept, it'll compete against a bunch of other 'Joint Light Tactical Vehicles' for the US army's presumably lucrative contact and the right to amble around the battlefields of the world, protectin' and peace-keepin' as it goes.
It's evil enough to scare even the hardiest insurgent, too. Though details are remaining predictably top secret, we know that it weighs in somewhere just short of seven tonnes and features one-inch thick armoured composite walls. In the event of a roadside car bombing, the armour or powertrain can be removed and replaced.
The ArmouredBastard (we're sticking with that until the military comes up with a better name) is powered by a Navistar diesel engine and features four-wheel drive as well, as a ride height that can be raised by two clear feet. And that's cool whether you're on the mean streets of Baghdad or Basildon.