Millennium Falcon

Difficult to imagine how the BMW X6 could be made to look more offensive than it does in its stock form.

But, ever the pioneers to push the boundaries of good taste, the German tune-gurus at AC Schnitzer have only gone and bally done it.

This is X6 Falcon and, from the very first line of AC Schnitzer’s press release, you know you’re in for a treat.

“Falcons are becoming increasingly common in town,” it says. Yep, falcons all over the place in this corner of London. Can’t move for falcons. Anyhow. It continues. “Now a particularly imposing variant of the agile predator is conquering the road valleys with its broad wings…”

Oh dear. You’ll know the form on the mechanical side by now: wider track (a whole 8cm wider, in fact, which presumably makes roadside parking a merely hypothetical pursuit), big plastic bodykit, two-tone paintjob, 22-inch wheels, noisier exhaust and a bunch of engine tweaks.

Diesel-flavoured tweaks, in fact: the 3.0d and 3.5d engines have been thoroughly worked over to produce 272bhp and 286bhp respectively.

And no, telling your mates, ‘But at least it’s a diesel’ won’t make them think any better of you.

Falcons. Just say no.