Stuck for a Christmas present for your son/daughter/uncle/nephew/Botswanan pen pal? Traditional wood burner running dangerously low on fuel? Persistent and irritating wobble to your coffee table?
Fear not, for the Big Book of Top Gear 2010 is winging its way to the shops. Bigger, better and containing 14 per cent more blatant untruths about the Stig, it's the ideal gift for anyone who enjoys cars, fire or photos of Jeremy Clarkson in a vest.
If you bought the original Big Book of Top Gear - and if you didn't, what on earth have you been reading on the toilet for the last year? - you'll know what to expect: lots of silly lists and dubiously Photoshopped images and a bunch of UNIQUE INSIGHTS into the special clothes worn by Jeremy, James and Richard.
It's basically brilliant and hilarious and much better than that new Dan Brown book or anything with the words ‘In Three Simple Steps!' in the title. But we would say that, because if you don't buy it we'll be forced to sell Fortress Top Gear and relocate to a yurt in Mongolia, with potentially disastrous consequences for both our life expectancy and road-testing ability.