It's day one of the biggest motor show in the calendar - some 12 halls of highly polished new metal and thousands of feverish journalists tearing around with notepads and cameras. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?
Nope. Which is why you're probably better off sat safely behind your monitor watching the whole thing unfold here on TopGear.com.
And you can do that in two ways - we'll be Tweeting the coolest new cars live from the show floor all day, plus updating the pages of this site with news and photo galleries once the covers start coming off.
Until then, here's our not-in-any-way-robbed-from-the-telly-show Cool Wall-style run down of the Frankfurt highlights, starting with the coolest:
SUB ZERO
Ferrari 458 Italia: Latest techno-fest from Maranello, developed by Das Stig. Best-looking Ferrari since, well, ever?
Mercedes SLS Gullwing: Spiritual
successor to the 300 SL.
Maserati GranCabrio: Spiritual
successor to... Oh, erm, we mean ‘gorgeous Italian droptop that makes us twitch
with inappropriate delight'.
Abarth 695 Tributo: Special-edition
Abarth 500 built in partnership with Ferrari. With flappy paddles.
COOL
Plethore LC-750: That Canadian supercar thingy we showed you last week.
Audi R8 Spyder: The R8 loses its
roof and sideblade. We still want one.
Citroen 2CV: OK, it's actually
called Rivolte (sounds disgusting) and it's another futuristic small Citroen.
Citroen C3: New French supermini
looks cute and funky.
Citroen DS3: Posh version of the
above. Note ‘shark fin' B-pillar, which we really dig.
Hyundai ix Metro: Tiny hybrid concept
named after British Leyland classic.
Lexus LF-Ch: A rival to the BMW 1-Series
at the posh end of the hatchback market. Looks like something from a sci-fi film and
has hybrid tech.
BMW Vision Concept: M3 performance, low emissions and nutjob styling? Excellent.
Bentley Mulsanne: Enormous new
luxobarge with stonking V8.
Audi RS3: The proliferation of the
RS badge continues. We like.
Rolls-Royce Ghost: It's a cheaper, smaller
Rolls that isn't small or cheap. But it is cool.
Jaguar XJ: The all-new XJ will be on
show in Frankfurt, along with its ample arse.
Peugeot RCZ: A rival for the TT, and
a Peugeot we're actually excited about.
New Ford C-Max: Ford's masterclass in
funky family transport continues.
Bugatti Royale: New big Bug, named
after a Burger King snack but probably faster. Expect to be blown away.
UNCOOL
Mini Coupe Concept: Its roof
is modelled on a backwards baseball cap, a trend that died in the early 80s,
only to be perpetuated by weird mobile disco DJs in Gravesend.
New Toyota Land Cruiser: A car
enjoyed mostly by people who track rhino dung in Namibia.
Mazda MX-5 Superlight: A blatant rip-off
of the Mercedes SLR Moss. Only smaller, slower and more embarrassing.
New Vauxhall Astra: Probably the most
important car here, if you're into sales figures and socio-economic buying
trends and the complex interplay between international political economies.
Hello? Are you there? You've skipped to the next car already, haven't you?
New Saab 9-5: As driven by your
granddad.
Toyota Auris Hybrid: The world's most boring car just got slightly more interesting. Works like a Prius. Built in Britain. Blah. Blah. Blah.
SERIOUSLY UNCOOL
Hyundai ix35: A
segment-busting crossover to rival the, erm, segment-busting Nissan Qashqai in
the segment-busting SUV/hatch segment.
Kia Sorento: A segment-busting
crossover to rival the, erm, segment-busting Hyundai ix35 and Nissan Qashqai in
the segment-busting SUV/hatch segment.
Nissan Leaf: An electric car named after some vegetation will never be cool.
So there you have it. Which cars are you most excited about? Use the space below to let us know...
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What do you think?
Want to comment on this?
Blake1Lewis commented on this article
at 04:18 pm on 14 September 2009
First comment! Anyway, I think the major cars are all the sub-zeros, the jaaaaag xj, rolls ghost, r8 spyder,bentley mulsanne, bmw vision and the new buggati. I think the mini coupe is a idea to make a cool mini gone wrong. It is awful!
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Mikeado commented on this article
at 04:26 pm on 14 September 2009
Well, you showed us all of them, so, er, none? Actually I haven't seen the Bugatti Chicken Royale yet, so that'll be interesting. I have however seen the Abarth 695 Tributo - it's a Ferrari Scuderia that's also a Fiat 500. Same stripes, flappy paddles, same handbrake unit, 4 exhaust pipes, 500GTB-alike wheels in gunmetal grey, it really is, well, daft.
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Mikeado commented on this article
at 04:27 pm on 14 September 2009
*599 GTB-alike wheels
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PaganiZonda commented on this article
at 04:32 pm on 14 September 2009
I am interested in the Audi RS3, i think i will use the ttrs engine. The blades in the R8 are important on the looks, dont think lose its will be nice in the spyder. . . just another audi lambos. The mini looks good in a coupe, but that baseball cap it´s rubbish. I still love the Ferrari italia. Just forget the Mazda mx5, peugeot rcz, leaf, sorento, ix35, saab and that other ZR1 engine user canadian plethorubbish. . .
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Viper_des commented on this article
at 04:51 pm on 14 September 2009
I'm sorry. But you're all wrong. The Abarth Tributo Sub Zero? It has Scuderia stripes and 4 exhaust pipes. And the 458 is the best looking Ferrari ever? Maybe, if you're 2 years old.
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