12 May 2009 - 10:00
Fatal gillness
We thought nothing could ever top the Gemballa Cayenne for sheer pig-scaring ugliness. Ever. We didn't imagine for a second it'd be mere weeks before another tuner came up with a creation to rival the eye-molesting Tornado.
But here it is, the Maff Muron. Also taking the Cayenne as its starting point - hell, if you're going to aim ugly, you might as well give yourself all the headstart you can get - the Romanian tuning house has opted for a fetching widebody kit in a delicate shade of purple we like to call ‘Haemorrhoid Heliotrope'.
Just look at that front end. There are enough gills there to serve the oxygen demands of an entire shiver of whale sharks. You might think, reasonably, that no Earthly engine could ever require so much cooling, but Maff must believe that its tuned-up version of the Cayenne's 4.8-litre turbocharged V8 - bumped up from 493bhp to over 700bhp - needs all the help it can get to prevent it from melting the Muron into a sticky, melted lump.
We can't help thinking, however, that some sort of inferno-based accident might just be the best thing for the Muron. Let's put the poor thing out of its misery...
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That looks like it might literally eat the Gemballa offering in a fight!
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What in the name of...?
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Half of Manchester United have just put deposits down on them...
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Urrrgh! Anyone else noticed that "Maff" sounds a lot like the now seldom used 90's word naff, and that "Muron" is remarkably similar to moron? Either, as I hope, this is a severely mistimed April fools or, as I fear, simply an unfortunate (but surprisingly) apt name for another eye-wateringly fugly cayenne.
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So this Naff Moron (damn you Oli for stealing my pun!) is just a Cayenne with some holes in it? Oh yeah, and 700bhp and the same colour as the bruise you just gave yourself trying to knock that top image out of your head. As if I'd click on 'see more pics' after seeing that. No-one, however tasteless or blind, could defend that monstrosity. Though the Gemballa was worse IMO. Also, I spy an Audi Q5 front bumper to the left in that image... They're at it again already!! Or the Moron just devoured a Q5 and spar out the bumper to chew on later...
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*spat out the bumper
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I actually quite like some of the obscene Cayenne jobs. Let's face it, give a 10 year old some crayons and tell him to design a big luxury SUV and this will probably be the outcome. People have made that analogy about brands like Lamborghini for decades. It annoys me because when an italian overdoses on some less-than-legal substances and is let loose with a paper and pencil, it's called 'soul' and 'passion'. When a German does the same thing it's called a crime against humanity. Hypocrites, the lot of you! :)
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why God? why?
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WTF! im going to be sick
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if i ever see this on the streets, im gonna be scared. probably will eat me if it hits me
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Arrrrgh my eyes!!! I think a better name for IT would be the 'Maff MORON'
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well i can confirma that it is ugly like hell, i saw it on the streets of bucharest and.....................well let's just say it's fit for a gypsy( the kind that has a 28 pound gold necklace)
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At least it looks better than the standard Cayenne, but anything can do that....
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It's becoming so ugly I'm actually starting to like it.
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My mom's been really sick lately (seriously) and I think this car's the reason ;)
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I just spent a little time on the toilet... and I swear it looked better than this piece of crap!
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I'm not surprised that nightmares come in this forms.Good work Maff Muron you can be pround of your self because youre the oficially the worst ugliest tunning company in the bussiness.
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its darth vader in car form!!!!
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a 2 year old with crayons can do better than that
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This and several other abominations are why footballers shouldnt be payed so much (so the gap in the market isnt there) and why Porsche should stick to rear engined sports cars. Why i had to look at some romanian toss-pot i really dont know. Modify saloons or sports cars, i even allow you to chav up fiestas and novas. But PLEASE leave 4x4's alone. They have a nickname as 'off-roaders' for a reason. Thank you!
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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Why can't they just leave the poor Porsche as it is?! Man that is ugly though, imagin that at 60mph heading howards you..
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im ganna be sick thats just to ugly
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PW, I got your point the first time...
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This car really is hideous! but did anyone notice the crushed Audi grille (probably from the Q7) on the left?
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Why yes. Yes I did. It's from a Q5.
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Ferry's worst nightmare. Well, the Cayenne itself was already a pretty good contender, at that.
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What. The. Fu....
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This isn't UGLY. It's just SCARY as f.... Some people want scary cars.
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I like this!! Who can come up with the ugliest car! And the competition is getting fierce!!!
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Maybe if it had a million hp, it would be cool. 700 won't make it fast enough to move without people noticing how ugly it is.
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They haven't actually done a lot, have they? Except for the grilee and the wheels, I mean
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*grille*, swwy
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Sorry, the cayenne is ugly no matter WHAT you do to the grill, bodykit or wheels. end of story. and by the way that looks absolutely horrid.
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Sorry, the cayenne is ugly no matter WHAT you do to the grill, bodykit or wheels. end of story. and by the way that looks absolutely horrid.
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Thats what I like to call HIDEOUS!!! I dont mind the proper Cayenne but this is just a step to far. Actually, correct that, it's 5,000,000 steps to far!!!!! :p
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!!!!!! make it stop. That is going to give me nightmares for a week. Why do people do this? There are some very sick puppies out there subjecting that beast to public view. It makes the mulitpla look pretty (see it's melted my brain already).
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Why God, Why?!?!?!?!
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i disagree, i think it looks fab - in fact i'm off to order one now...
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who the hell modifies them
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It looks like somebody installed a 'venetian blinds' grille kit. There are no right answers to this front end. Yeah its a Porsche, but... whats next, a cattle catcher?
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I'm sorry, I didn't want to bring the tone down but it has to be said. That is a hideous imitation of the already biblically hideous (Squeamish need not continue, I'm suppressing my breakfast as I write this) Peugeot 4007. I think I'm gonna be sick....
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What exactly were Porsche thinking of when they made the Cayenne in the first place? Also, why can't they build good-looking cars any more. The last good one was the Carrera GT, but before that there wasn't one for ages.
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To BONDY96: They were thinking 'babbababaaaaaba babababababbaba Tequila!'
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AH! Now I know how Mr. May must have felt when his name appeared next to mine in the back of Focus magazine!!!!! (other Science & Technology publications are available) ;)
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Mani commented on this article
12 May 2009
Dear God! I think I'm going to be sick now...................
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