Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Clarkson on: the end of it all

As a reader of Top Gear magazine, you are a foot soldier, part of a vast army of people whose communion wine has an octane rating and whose pew is made from Alcantara by Recaro. Unless of course you are reading this in a dentist's waiting room. In which case you are not a foot soldier. You have toothache, and you have my sympathy.

Let's be clear. I am not speaking now to people with toothache, or to those who have read Practical Caravanning and Dogs Today and are now ploughing through Top Gear magazine because it's that or the instructions on the vomit bag. I am speaking only to the army of genuine car lovers and the news is not good.

Of course, as is the way with all foot soldiers in all armies, you do not know the news is not good. And you will continue to not know until a dirty great missile lands on your car and blows it into the middle of next week. The fact is, though, that you are under attack. And you have no idea.

As a member of the Top Gear team, I get to see all the tell-tale signs. I see the press releases from the loony left. I get the Google alerts. I read the complaints sent to the BBC. So I know what's coming. And what's coming is the End of Days.

The number of people who dislike cars is very small. A few ramblers, some bods in Friends of the Earth, various people who run road safety charities. But they are noisy, and they are motivated. And unlike us who simply worship at the temple of speed, they make it their life's work to bring all that down. To burn our churches. And hang our leaders. And not stop until you, me and everyone we know is going to work on oxen. And what makes it so depressing is that there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. 

I honestly can see a time when there are no supercars, and when the hybrid eco electric lentil you are allowed to drive to work every other day is governed by spy satellites to 20mph. And I don't see this coming in a hundred years. I see it in less than 20. Maybe 10.

"The number of people who dislike cars is very small. A few ramblers, Friends of the Earth and people who run road safety charities. But they’re noisy and motivated"

You may argue that this is nonsense and that Ferrari is in rude health at the moment. Absolutely. So is Bentley and so is Rolls-Royce. But that's because they are selling cars to people in Russia and the Middle East. That won't last.

The fact is that they simply can't stay in business without Europe, which is now fundamentally anti-car and America, which since the dawn of Barack Obama, is even more green than the lawn outside the White House. He wants to reduce greenhouse gases and because he's serious about that, the V8 will have to go. Not just in pick-up trucks and SUVs, but in Ferraris and Maseratis as well. 

Run around all you like, but there is nothing you can do. Yes, a handful of sheikhs may keep Ferrari in business for the next few years, but eventually, without California and Cheshire - and with less dependence on the sheikhs for oil - all they'll be making down there in Maranello is branded aftershave and baseball caps.

It's not just market forces either. Now, if you drive a really expensive car around Britain's cities, you are very often subjected to a torrent of abuse from the hirsute and the stupid. They believe they have right on their side so they point with their bony, wizened fingers, and spit, and bang on your carbon-fibre roof. Only the other day, a taxi driver, normally the last resting place for the sensible, gave me a ton of what for, for driving a Range Rover. If this kind of thing gets worse, the number of people prepared to stick it out will dwindle to nought.

Seriously. When Henry VIII declared war on the Catholics, some continued to worship Johnny Pope, but after a few burnings, it quickly died out. Car love will go the same way.

And I haven't even got to the biggest problem of them all yet. The mothers of those who've been killed on the roads.

I am able to deal with anyone whose objection to speed and car use is environmental. They are talking utter claptrap and the figures back it up. Similarly, I am able to deal with cyclists. They are jealous. But it is impossible to make a coherent argument for unrestrained car use when you are face-to-face with a mum whose kid has been splattered all over a bus stop by some halfwit in a Corsa. 

Boris Johnson, as is often the way, hit the nail rather beautifully on the head when writing in the Daily Telegraph recently. He explained that he often receives complaints about the number of traffic lights in London but says each one is the result of a campaign. And when that campaign has been led by someone whose child has been run over, it is extremely difficult for a local council to turn away and do nothing. 

Yes. I can come here now and say that deaths on the road are inevitable and that building a
set of traffic lights or a footbridge on the site of each tragedy is utterly preposterous. But you try saying that to someone who is crying.

And so, combine the sobbing mothers, the stupid environmentalists, the jealous and the communistical and you end up with a small but powerful wave in the face of which we, the army, are powerless to do anything. Don't forget, the Boxing Day tsunami was not tall but it wiped out everything.

So there you are. One bereaved mum. One man with a beard. A splash of Al Gore and a curious new hatred for the rich and all I can say is this: get your order in now for the Aston Martin V12 Vantage. Because I can't see its like coming round again.

PETER WHEELER
Since I was last here, Peter Wheeler, the  charismatic former boss of TVR in Blackpool has died after a short illness.

Peter was credited, rightly so, with taking the company from a maker of kit cars to a full-on Northern thunderstorm in the world of high performance. A Griffith on full chat, through the Trough of Bowland... it was a magical experience.

It was much like Peter actually. Having made quite a lot of money from playing poker at university, he moved into North Sea technology where he made even more. Which he then invested in TVR. An endless succession of increasingly flamboyant cars resulted, until one day, he decided he'd had enough and sold out to a Russian business boy who effectively piloted the entire operation into a hillside.

I knew Peter quite well, not through cars but through shooting. He actually won awards for
his countryside husbandry and his shoot was brilliant. Most of the time, on most shoots, birds come from the same direction; not at Peter's they didn't. You had to be alert. Much like you had to be in one of his cars.

In between drives, he'd ferry his guests around in an armoured and tracked Volvo army toy, smoking and generally moaning about the Labour Party which he hated. And then we'd have a big lunch, smoke some more and then shoot some birds that had come from behind us, in the face.

I'll miss him, and my deepest sympathies go to his wife Vicky and their children. Who obviously will miss him a great deal more.

TAGS// Jeremy Clarkson, Column

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Mmm, that's a bit depressing. I'm 14, I can't drive and even if I could, I can't get a job to pay for the car. By the time I can afford a decent car, there won't be any decent cars to buy.

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Come to Australia, at least here all they've done is limit your speed limit. But then there are always the back roads, where our "Vauxhalls" can play, that and we don't have enough people to warrant traffic lights

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Sorry for your loss. It has to be said, the growing hatred of the rich is not curious or surprising in any way. The ranks of jobless, homeless, and poor have swelled greatly in the past two years. This, and the growing gaps between the wealthy, middle class, and poor have created a sort of class warfare. No system can survive without balance. To put this into simple terms... If a man is living in his car and starving, and was previously able to afford a house, food, etc. he will probably see someone who is surrounded by wealth and opulence as the bane of his existence, and perhaps also as the reason that he now lives in the sewer.

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Mr. Clarkson, are you saying that this is the end of the supercars?

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As in all together?

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Few people can afford super-cars and not all of them actually buy them. It doesn't affect middle, working classes at all. Commuting on global scale is far more interesting question. McLaren F1 is an icon, but it would be senseless unless there were not icon like Mini or Ford T to counterweight it. The idea of a affordable, reliable, yet innovative & charismatic, in case of Mini, car is the idea that haunts engineers more that anything else, in my opinion, and the fact that Gordon Murray worked on i Stream since 1991 is the proof.

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There is another category of reader, those who have the whole Internet at their disposal to amuse them at work on a Friday, but they choose Top Gear. Who views cars as a piece of your soul kept outside your body. My "5-year plan" does not involve the positions I would like to fill in a company - it is a list of cars I would like to own. Thanks to TG, the list is extensive and expensive, but I have managed to take 5 off the top in past 2 years. I will probably never own a supercar. But that does not stop me from opening the window of my vehicle to listen to the extraordinary heart-stopping sound a supercar makes when it passes by on the highway. If by some miracle I can ever afford to buy a supercar, I would certainly like to have the choice. I do not want to live in a world where I cannot own one. The thought is too depressing to even contemplate.

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I'm Quite Scared For A Number Of Reasons, In What Is Going On In The World, I Can't Get A Fooking Job Let Alone Drive! I'm Serious Scared Out Of My Wits End! I'm In My Last Year At School Going My GCSE's And Working Hard To Find Out Their Is No Jobs For Me.. Other Than That, The Death Of Supercars Will Be A Sad Ending, And I Will Never Experience Supercars, GT Racers Etc. And Yes The Other Population Who Go On here, Find Stuff To Blame You Guys On Something, I.e The Daily Mail!

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Well, obviously you can do something, Mr. Clarkson. Just hit them with your shovel in the face! And Mr. Wheeler may rest in piece, endlessly hammering down the heaven in his cigar.

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The Hummers on our roads are increasing. So are SUVs. We have one set of traffic lights in our city of 5,000. Yep! That's the right figure. But hundreds of stop signs. We are in the middle of nowhere though. 54"07'39.55"N 108"26'10.12"W But once you hit the open road FREEDOM. The only thing to look out for is the local farmer admiring his crops at a speed of 30km. And the occasional RCMP hiding behind a lone pine. And a stray cow or two. All roads run Nth to Sth. But the action takes place on the grid roads, mostly dirt. A good place to have a replacement windscreen business from the rocks that fly up. No shortage of oil = gas.

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Yo quiero ser mas optimista , aunque parece que cada vez nos intentan alinear mas y lo que fue un libro fantastico ?Un Mundo Feliz? se convierta en una realidad y acabemos pidiendo el SOMA para sobrevivir ...pero yo creo por otro lado que es posible que la trilogía de la guerra de las Galaxias no sea tanto ya una pelicula de ficción sino una posible realidad y en poco tiempo .....ya no iremos en coches por la tierra sino en naves por el aire ........bueno puede tambien estar bien ....o no? ....Que opinais?.... un saludo a todos ....Susana.

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The sad fact is our society is making it's decisions by emotion rather than reason. It's an extremely bad method of government, one that will lead us into some very hot water. A weeping mother is a sad sight but allowing her grief to take away the freedom of millions is not rational. Politician really have to stand up and say they believe in freedom or if not admit they are commies/nazis and have done with it. If they believe in the former they have to accept freedom has a cost - cue Team America - if they op for the latter, they should at least make sure the trains run on time.

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the extremes of society always make the most noise. i drive a panda, as its the best i can afford, but when i see a ferrari in a car park, or get passed on my commute by a laborghini, it doesnt make me feel envious, it fills me with joy. we are constantantly (and in some cases rightly so) told we cannot discriminate against all manner of things...why do we seem to be heading towards discriminating against people on the grounds of their choice of transport? if the pressure groups want road safety improved, i suggest this...incremental limits on the power to weight ratios of teenage boys cars and a requirement for proper qualification before working on a car, and proper inspection and report on such mods on the mot certificate. speed related accidents invariably involve a spotty youth in a modded car showing off to his mates...

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I'd be gettting the eff out of the UK before the depression really sets in. Oz, New Nealand and western Canada are nice. I've been following the gradual takeover of the UK by the EU for years. My family has already lost too many protecting the UK from Europe. We aren't doing it again, not when you keep voting for retards who are in league with your enemies. Best to leave while you still can.

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Don't blame high unemployment for increased hatred of the rich and wealthy. Blame TV and the media for creating a generation with completely flawed life expectations! Why? I've never been out of work for more than 7 days. I've changed my career 3 times, retrained twice, and never complain! Something England forgot since the World War II came to an end. When I see someone drive by in some seriously expensive machinery I stare open mouthed and appreciate it for all its worth. And I marvel at that unknown owners financial ability to own such a masterpiece of design and engineering. I'm not angry. Maybe a touch jealous. Never angry.

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In all its health and safety legislation, human rights legislation, and other b*****s England has completely lost its ability to be a child. To simply marvel at and appreciate others success. To fall and get up, wipe your tears, dust your trousers and try again. Jeremy is right. Cars will disappear. And soon. Because being a child, dreaming, and growing up wanting something so badly it drives you to achieve things you thought impossible, will soon be legislated away too. And then we'll all get ID cards with GPS trackers and become a robot society. We've become so scared of our own mistakes we don't want to allow others to dream, and dream big. Because that's what cars are about. Relentlessly improving what you have and wanting the best. Long live the supercar! In my dreams at least....

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Though I tend to agree with a lot of the previous moaning, supercars will always be around. They will look, sound and work different, but there will always be a company that will figure out how to make money stuffing an insanely powerful motor (even if it is electric) into a small car. There will always be people who can afford and enjoy cars like that. It might be hard to imagine a (insert your favorite supercar) with something other than an internal combustion engine. But if Tesla can make it sort of work, why can't Ferrari?

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forgive my bluntness.. but what a load of bull !! Apocalyptic visions of poverty and starvation, civil war, tree hugger's domination the disappearance of the motor vehicle..supercars even.. What exactly does he mix into his sunday joints I wonder?!.. I'm not an expert but I am a child of my time..One figer up my arse and the other in the ground, even I can see that the world as we know it can not survive without personal transport. some might argue that it simply will not survive with it. I'm ceratin however that most of us on the common side of sense will put up a grand fight to make sure it does. It makes no difference where and what type of power we source.. as long as there are cars there will aslo be differences between them..Some will be better.. some worse and some even super. So if the resentmentlies in loosing the w12 howl of an evoultion that started 100 odd years ago I say fine.. and so what?! We weren't all born in the 60's you know..:D

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ps..Ferraris were and perhaps always will be toyboy's toy's and to those of us who actually work for a living they'll be fine where they are,, in the stables of sheiks, burnt out rock stars and tight arsed bussiness men and women who capitalised on how bone idle the rest of us really are.Footsoldiers ..I don't think so..more like a bunch of knobs who never have and somehting short of a miracle never will owe supercars..

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i just hope nothing changes by the time i grow up..

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We just have to prove them wrong. Electric cars charge themselves by using Electricity, which we all know where it comes from; Oil Nuclear Energy . And please don't tell me we can use wind turbines or solar pannels to charge a car , because that would take mmmmm days maybe considering the present of wind and sun.

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I'm thinking the same thing that those of us who care about cars will be out of luck soon. In fact it depresses me a lot. Let's just hope that with improved technology in the future that cars will be come exciting again, assuming we can drive them at over 20 mph.

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i think people need to get a grip on reality, yes accidents happen, and it aint super cars that are involved, usually a clapped out renault or a youth in a corsa as jeremy said, and i'f your rich enough to drive a ferrari or aston, you've earnt the money that gives you the right to that, all the abuse is pure jealousy. i plan to become as rich as possible and by belgium to turn into one big race track:)

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come on petrolheads!!!, we need to keep alive the v8 biturbo of the porsche cayenne or the v16 of the bugatti veyron, im 20 years old, and i begin to drive a renault clio, if this continues the clio it be the only powerfull car i use to driven

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..there ought to be a minimum age or iq limit on these sites..

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I'm reading 1984 by George Orwell and for some reason, Jeremy's outlook of our future looks much like that of Orwell's projection of a distopian future from 1949. Also, Jeremey it is time you learned to use things like welders and spanners and get into hot rods. You can't kill a Hot Rod, I don't care what happens, we'll start a free country or something, the hot rods must survive.

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well, no one does melancholy like the Brits...

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i think the world has its ups and downs. we're residing in the liberal(down)generation. soon, it will be popular to be cool(conservative) again. a cool world where people dont think the way they do, simply to impress others. but where we think and do things based on what we actually desire: power and speed and all things good.

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jezza is right...but the petrol heads like us will live on...driving fast cars is something thats in the DNA of the human male specimen and nothing is going to change...the governments can impose rules but can't watch u all the time...for us just find a road with almost no traffic and trash your car like you were in the nordschleife. the government and the ambientalist can't take taht away from me yet...

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I guess Jezza is right. All of us, the petrol-heads, are staring at the face of extinction. A day would soon come when the sound of the 'Riviera Symphony' would not be heard anymore. All V8s would be in museums and a recorded V8 soundtrack would be fitted on a Tesla - as a consolation. The question is what can we do about it? Would we sit back and trust the life force of cars to evolve a way out of its own? What you say, Jezza?

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He scared me for a minute there... I thought he meant Top Gear was going to be cancelled!

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Too right, it makes me so mad when all these sandle wearing weirdos come on the TV banging on about green issues and telling us we are facing apocalypse. No one ever picks up on the fact that for people like us, not being able to drive the cars we want, where we want and being forced to drive over hundreds of speedbumps whilst we're overtaken by cyclists is an apocalypse on the same kind of scale. How dare they talk about all these innocent people that are going to die of drought, floods and crazy weather when motorists all over the world are being discriminated against on a daily basis. I don't care if my grandchildren can't afford to feed themselves in the future so long as I can feed my car.

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Hm. I am American, liberal, think climate change is real a big problem, but I also love cars and Top Gear. Does that balance out? It is interesting that you think the big shouty supercars are going away because of a bunch of granola eating greenies. Ferrari's, etal. market was always small; it was meant to be that way. The lure of a supercar is precisely that it is not mass produced. That these automakers can't stand market forces is not amazing. Here in the US, GM and Chrysler would be on the ropes if not for a government bailout. Perhaps another problem has been the industry's inability to think ahead. In a world where the bottom-line is king, there may not be that niche market. But out of that niche come incredible innovations that find their way into the mass market. It is that innovation you highlight each week, besides having a great time in expensive cars. I just hope automakers won't forget that.

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Right on point here. A car, especially a fast car, represents freedom. There is a global war on freedom. It's only expected that this is one of the casualties.

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a global war on freedom ? Where do you get your brain washed ??? Hope it's not up here :D

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Well, when the time comes to separate me from my beloved petrol engined car (a Mercedes Benz if you must know) then they are in for one hell of a fight and I will run it on Gin and olive oil if I have to. Driving is my birthright and I will not give it up lightly. \/-~ (that's meant to represent a a victory sign and a smoking cigar if you are wondering)

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It IS a war on freedom. It's also a war on anything good. The new mentality is not "I want the best car, the best food and to live as well as I can." Now it's "A car is just to get from point A to point B, food is whatever you can find to fill your stomach, and someone will figure it out for me." Screw them. I'm going to go wax my Lexus again so it offends them more.

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Those hippies who want to make the cars disapear are always the same and are rarely happy. They will be the first to say that our lives are over-controled by the government when we will all be in lining up like robots going to work in "our hybrid eco electric lentil" controled by satellite. Living free is a wonderful thing and those people don't realize that the experience of driving your own car the way you want to is a huge part of the little freedom we still have.

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As long as the Outback of Australia and the wide-open roads of Nevada exist, there shall be supercars!

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HYDROGEN!!

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Jeremy, I feel your pain. I am an american who still clngs to his gas guzzling roots. I am sure you've caught a few of my mails to the BBC for your accidental oversight regarding how great the 1980's Lincoln Town Car really is. Its a changing world and you have to believe that somewhere somebody will find a way to make a fuel efficient supercar that does 200 mph in 3 seconds and gets 70 mpg whle doing it. I still have an open challenge for you and the team. I wonder why nobody has the brass to take me up on it.

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