Mercedes-Benz CLK

Road test

It's a rare thing, a car that properly puts the wind up us. Mercedes is a gifted exponent of the dark art, though, and the CLK 63 AMG a near-perfect example.

The best way to go about it is to look fairly innocuous in the first place. No excessive chin spoilers or rear wings here; pretty but fairly understated 18inch alloys and some modest side skirting. The test car we drove was the cabriolet model, too, adding a sly element of effeminacy to this wholly hairy-chested experience.

Inside it's yesteryear Mercedes as usual: bit tacky, bit flimsy. This generation of car is really starting to show its age now, but they've still got a lot to offer in terms of equipment and comfort.

The AMG version also gets a meaty sports steering wheel and paddleshift, an inconspicuous indicator of where things might be heading. AMG sports seats also hint at this car's modus operandi, but it's still just a CLK, with an auto 'box and a rag-top. How serious can it be?

Fire her up, via the key if you're traditionalist, or the starter button on the gearknob if you're a with-it, early adopter, and you get a better idea about exactly what Mercedes has in mind.

Grumbling into life like a giant being sick into a kettledrum is Merc's highly evolved handbuilt V8, now swollen to 6.2-litres of naturally aspirated aluminium. There's 481bhp in there and peak torque of 464lb ft. In a CLK cabriolet, that's a contradiction on a par with finding out that James Blunt moonlights in porn, although one considerably easier to dwell on.

What it translates into on the road is a ridiculous degree of grunt. Plant your right foot and there's a massive shove of initial acceleration, nailing 60mph in 4.5secs. But that's just your aperitif. Somewhere up the rev range, the CLK 63 delivers a four-course meal - though we didn't dare find out at what point pudding occurs.

Your face is pushed back into the seat, the air squeezed from your lungs, and your loins tighten with fear and adrenalin; it's like being jumped on by the fat kid at school. And you don't even have to do anything. You just sit there, twitch your size nines and the next thing you know you'll be sucking up to your local magistrate.

And that'll be a fine you can ill-afford after the £68,815 price tag. That's plenty for a CLK, with too much flex in convertible form, not enough driver involvement and woolly brake feel. It's fast, brutally so, but for this money there are plenty of wiser options.

Matt Master