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Believe it or not, modifying your car suggests one of two things: a) your life is meaningless and you need a partner b) you are 17 years old. We therefore cannot condone it.

But if you really must wave your genitals at lesser vehicles, we suggest you use factory-approved modifications, as they are more likely to 'fit'.

Case in point, the new Jaguar XF 'Black Pack' - a factory-approved kit that includes 20-inch diamond-turned wheels, a gloss black grille and window surrounds, together with the Aerodynamic Pack consisting of a new front skirt, lower air intakes and 'muscular' side skirts.

Tasteful, subtle and menacing, in one fell swoop, and better than much of this tat, anyway...