Volkswagen Golf 5

Road test

It's always nice to get other peoples' comments and views on a car when writing a Minitest. Well, nearly always. And not necessarily when the aforesaid comments are being handed out at one o'clock in the morning by backseat passengers who have just spent the whole night swigging lager and sipping champagne while you've been nursing an orange juice.

Tonight, like it or not, I've become a minicab driver, charged with ferrying my beloved and three workmates back from a wedding in that glamour capital of Europe, Luton. At least I've got reasonably respectable kit for the job, a Volkswagen Golf TDi - no knackered old Nissan Bluebird for me.

None of my non-paying 'fares' refused to get in the very solid-looking (but very like the last one) Golf. No one asked, 'Are you sure it's safe?' If they had, I'd have been able to reassure them by reeling off a list of more safety features (anti-lock brakes, driver and passenger airbags and optional side airbags) than any other minicab driver in the South of London could. Their normal safety-feature list usually runs no further than brakes - and then not necessarily in working order.

So, with plenty of safety gear and an economical 57.6mpg turbodiesel engine, the £15,155 S TDI is a thoroughly sensible proposition. It's practical too, as there's room for five adults and their luggage.

But right now, I couldn't care less how safe, practical and economical the thing is. I just want more power to get this journey over with. The TDI may have enough fuel for hundreds of miles, but I'd happily use it all up in one spectacular bang if it would propel me straight home. But there's no escape. Round and round the Luton roundabouts I go, desperately looking for an M1 sign. With slightly lifeless steering and plenty of bodyroll the Golf's handling is far from sharp, but it is, of course, safe.

At last, the motorway. The ride's good, although it wallows a bit over high-speed bumps. Then a voice from the back: "You should put in your story that the back windows are too hard to open and I can't smoke," says Rob. No surprise there - I've locked the master switch, ho-ho.

"Oh look," giggles Claire, "a lovely blue dashboard." Very girly, but correct; the Golf's blue-lit dash does indeed create a bit of a feelgood factor. I'd feel better if the Golf's 90bhp diesel engine would propel it, fully laden, straight up motorway hills without needing a change-down to fourth. But we get there eventually, if not as quickly as we might in a petrol job. Rob leaves us with one more thought: "What about me doing a column for the mag? The Voice from the Passenger Seat".