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DARTZ is back with the Black Snake | Top Gear

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You're rich, powerful, and love washing down caviar with vodka. What car do you buy? Well, there's only one manufacturer who caters exclusively to this sector: DARTZ.

If you're a dictator that needs chauffeuring by Top Gear's pseudo-double agent IT worker, you buy the literally bullet-proof Prombrom. If you want the first car in the B.N.U.D.S sector (Bespoke, Noble, Urban, Desert-spec, Safe vehicle), you order its Nagel Dakar. And now it's created something for specially for the Chinese market. It's called the Black Snake.

With golden flourishes, a bonnet covered in snakeskin pattern gold leaf, and an optional diamond-encrusted hood ornament from Smolensk Kristall, it resembles nothing less than a bulldog sporting a gladiator's mask designed by Damien Hirst. But that's not the big news. Unlike the Prombrom - built on a GM chassis - this is based on the Mercedes GL 63 AMG.

That means AMG's 5.5-litre V8 bi-turbo engine, with 557 bhp, 560 lb-ft of torque, and the ability to hit 60 in 4.9 seconds. And DARTZ wants AMG performance with the comfort and luxury of an S-Class, so they've been using some unique leathers.

See, DARTZ tends to use materials that aren't from the periodic table, but from a Bushtucker Trial. If you want, you can have your Black Snake lined with crocodile belly, ostrich, whale penis, and, quite fittingly, snake. It doesn't stop there. The dashboard, armrests and door paneling aren't Piano Black but snake wood. And the floor mats are made from white shark skin.

Why would you want to do this? Well DARTZ owner, Leonard F. Yankelovich, explains: "A lady will never go to party in the same dress as another. But still she will easily come to a party in the same black S500, or the same white Bentley GT, or the same gray Porsche Cayenne? It will be a serial car in serial style."

So, do you live in China and have $1,000,000 (£635,869) to spend on a GL63 recaste using Soviet "kapsula" technology first employed for Joseph Stalin's armored car? Maybe? Well DARTZ have a warranty programme that's up there with Kia's best. It's not seven years, but if you stump up the cash you'll get 56 grams of premium Mottra caviar delivered monthly for two years. Still not good enough? Then DARTZ can also offer you three types of RussoBaltique Vodka with your choice of a diamond filter to sweeten the deal.

So what would you spec dot commers?  Whale wang or ostrich?

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You're rich, powerful, and love washing down caviar with vodka. What car do you buy? Well, there's only one manufacturer who caters exclusively to this sector: DARTZ.

If you're a dictator that needs chauffeuring by Top Gear's pseudo-double agent IT worker, you buy the literally bullet-proof Prombrom. If you want the first car in the B.N.U.D.S sector (Bespoke, Noble, Urban, Desert-spec, Safe vehicle), you order its Nagel Dakar. And now it's created something for specially for the Chinese market. It's called the Black Snake.

With golden flourishes, a bonnet covered in snakeskin pattern gold leaf, and an optional diamond-encrusted hood ornament from Smolensk Kristall, it resembles nothing less than a bulldog sporting a gladiator's mask designed by Damien Hirst. But that's not the big news. Unlike the Prombrom - built on a GM chassis - this is based on the Mercedes GL 63 AMG.

That means AMG's 5.5-litre V8 bi-turbo engine, with 557 bhp, 560 lb-ft of torque, and the ability to hit 60 in 4.9 seconds. And DARTZ wants AMG performance with the comfort and luxury of an S-Class, so they've been using some unique leathers.

See, DARTZ tends to use materials that aren't from the periodic table, but from a Bushtucker Trial. If you want, you can have your Black Snake lined with crocodile belly, ostrich, whale penis, and, quite fittingly, snake. It doesn't stop there. The dashboard, armrests and door paneling aren't Piano Black but snake wood. And the floor mats are made from white shark skin.

Why would you want to do this? Well DARTZ owner, Leonard F. Yankelovich, explains: "A lady will never go to party in the same dress as another. But still she will easily come to a party in the same black S500, or the same white Bentley GT, or the same gray Porsche Cayenne? It will be a serial car in serial style."

So, do you live in China and have $1,000,000 (£635,869) to spend on a GL63 recaste using Soviet "kapsula" technology first employed for Joseph Stalin's armored car? Maybe? Well DARTZ have a warranty programme that's up there with Kia's best. It's not seven years, but if you stump up the cash you'll get 56 grams of premium Mottra caviar delivered monthly for two years. Still not good enough? Then DARTZ can also offer you three types of RussoBaltique Vodka with your choice of a diamond filter to sweeten the deal.

So what would you spec dot commers?  Whale wang or ostrich?