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Exclusive: Ford Fiesta to be reinvented as £200k LWB Cadillac Escalade rival

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Exclusive: Ford Fiesta to be reinvented as £200k LWB Cadillac Escalade rival | Top Gear

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Plucky, lightweight supermini to morph into four-tonne American road tank

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Exclusive: Ford Fiesta to be reinvented as £200k LWB Cadillac Escalade rival

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Plucky, lightweight supermini to morph into four-tonne American road tank

# data.attributes.metatag[].attributes.content
Plucky, lightweight supermini to morph into four-tonne American road tank

# data.attributes.metatag[].attributes.content
Exclusive: Ford Fiesta to be reinvented as £200k LWB Cadillac Escalade rival

# data.attributes.metatag[].attributes.content
Exclusive: Ford Fiesta to be reinvented as £200k LWB Cadillac Escalade rival

# data.attributes.metatag[].attributes.content
Exclusive: Ford Fiesta to be reinvented as £200k LWB Cadillac Escalade rival

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Plucky, lightweight supermini to morph into four-tonne American road tank

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Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Ford is set to reinvent the Fiesta supermini as a premium four-row extended American luxury SUV that’ll rival the Cadillac Escalade and a Class III catamaran boat.

Following the Blue Oval’s decision to axe its Euro-centric model range – such as the Fiesta and Focus – for more Americanised fare, TopGear.com understands the fabled nameplate will return on the back, and front, and top, and sides of a XXXL battery-electric road-going tank.

Ford has worked hard on ensuring the battery electric four-row premium luxury SUV will have plenty of lightweight solutions on board so that it maintains a kerbweight of just four tonnes – unusually light for this class of car.

And in a nod to the Blue Oval’s heritage, insiders were confident the battery efficiency of the new SUV would rival the classic ‘flathead V8’ from the 1930s.

Aware of the Fiesta’s long-standing reputation as a tunable drivers’ car, Ford will offer the new incarnation in a Mountune edition to both keep the storied British tuner in business and offer a more sporting setup that’ll get new suspension, 11 Recaro seats and a fibreglass bodykit.

“Premium American luxury is the new luxury,” a Ford insider told TG, “so we’re going to completely remodel Britain’s best-selling affordable car into the only profitable car segment that has shown no whisper of common sense or shame and take it one step further: four tonnes, four rows, six figures.

“It’ll be based on an entirely new platform we’ve spun off the F-150 truck and offer premium features like the ability to drive over the concerns of hot hatch fans and future learner drivers across the globe.

“We’ve already sold out our first year of production.”

The insider also revealed the return of another British favourite: the Ford Capri. “This will be an actual boat.”

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Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Ford is set to reinvent the Fiesta supermini as a premium four-row extended American luxury SUV that’ll rival the Cadillac Escalade and a Class III catamaran boat.

Following the Blue Oval’s decision to axe its Euro-centric model range – such as the Fiesta and Focus – for more Americanised fare, TopGear.com understands the fabled nameplate will return on the back, and front, and top, and sides of a XXXL battery-electric road-going tank.

Ford has worked hard on ensuring the battery electric four-row premium luxury SUV will have plenty of lightweight solutions on board so that it maintains a kerbweight of just four tonnes – unusually light for this class of car.

And in a nod to the Blue Oval’s heritage, insiders were confident the battery efficiency of the new SUV would rival the classic ‘flathead V8’ from the 1930s.

Aware of the Fiesta’s long-standing reputation as a tunable drivers’ car, Ford will offer the new incarnation in a Mountune edition to both keep the storied British tuner in business and offer a more sporting setup that’ll get new suspension, 11 Recaro seats and a fibreglass bodykit.

“Premium American luxury is the new luxury,” a Ford insider told TG, “so we’re going to completely remodel Britain’s best-selling affordable car into the only profitable car segment that has shown no whisper of common sense or shame and take it one step further: four tonnes, four rows, six figures.

“It’ll be based on an entirely new platform we’ve spun off the F-150 truck and offer premium features like the ability to drive over the concerns of hot hatch fans and future learner drivers across the globe.

“We’ve already sold out our first year of production.”

The insider also revealed the return of another British favourite: the Ford Capri. “This will be an actual boat.”

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Plucky, lightweight supermini to morph into four-tonne American road tank

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Ford Fiesta satire April Fool's Day 2023