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Objects of irrational desire: the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen

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Objects of irrational desire: the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen | Top Gear

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Amphibious Herzog Conte has to be right up there with the ugliest cars of all time

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Objects of irrational desire: the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen

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Amphibious Herzog Conte has to be right up there with the ugliest cars of all time

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Objects of irrational desire: the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen

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Amphibious Herzog Conte has to be right up there with the ugliest cars of all time

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Objects of irrational desire: the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen

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Objects of irrational desire: the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen

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Amphibious Herzog Conte has to be right up there with the ugliest cars of all time

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It was the late 1970s. Things were taking on a brutalist aesthetic, and people were clamouring for …er … amphibious cars. Thus we get the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen. We have no idea why this is so appealing, other than it is so utterly, blindingly ugly and looks like it might be the most dynamically compromised vehicle ever to have emerged from Germany.

Based on a mark one Ford Granada, the Herzog Conte came with the usual pair of 2.3 or 2.8-litre sixes you could get in the Blue Oval donor car, with a mighty 114 and 135bhp respectively. Once you’d finished making small children cry on land, you could then drive straight into whatever waterway was available, with drive to the rear wheels being migrated to a propeller via a power-take-off shaft, and the unexpected bonus that it the lapping waves actually covered up some of the vehicle’s ‘challenging’ design. Obviously getting air in and out of the engine and stopping water drowning the thing called for topside venting, and the Conte appears to merely have had vents stabbed through the bonnet area and an exhaust that pokes out through the back next to the spare tyre - in some of the pictures it’s perfectly positioned next to the spare jerry can full of what might conceivably be fuel.

Even more surprising are two things: one, that the Schwimmwagen was capable of 100mph on land, and two, that production of the ugliest car ever to roam the planet lasted a year. If anyone has ever seen one in the wild, please do let us know.

Images: assortment of Herzog press and brochure shots.

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It was the late 1970s. Things were taking on a brutalist aesthetic, and people were clamouring for …er … amphibious cars. Thus we get the Herzog Conte Schwimmwagen. We have no idea why this is so appealing, other than it is so utterly, blindingly ugly and looks like it might be the most dynamically compromised vehicle ever to have emerged from Germany.

Based on a mark one Ford Granada, the Herzog Conte came with the usual pair of 2.3 or 2.8-litre sixes you could get in the Blue Oval donor car, with a mighty 114 and 135bhp respectively. Once you’d finished making small children cry on land, you could then drive straight into whatever waterway was available, with drive to the rear wheels being migrated to a propeller via a power-take-off shaft, and the unexpected bonus that it the lapping waves actually covered up some of the vehicle’s ‘challenging’ design. Obviously getting air in and out of the engine and stopping water drowning the thing called for topside venting, and the Conte appears to merely have had vents stabbed through the bonnet area and an exhaust that pokes out through the back next to the spare tyre - in some of the pictures it’s perfectly positioned next to the spare jerry can full of what might conceivably be fuel.

Even more surprising are two things: one, that the Schwimmwagen was capable of 100mph on land, and two, that production of the ugliest car ever to roam the planet lasted a year. If anyone has ever seen one in the wild, please do let us know.

Images: assortment of Herzog press and brochure shots.

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Amphibious Herzog Conte has to be right up there with the ugliest cars of all time